Well, lets start with the story, like all of the cool kids do.


I have never been a thin girl.  After a move from mass to maine when I was 11 I gained more weight because, well I don’t even know why.  I guess all I did was sit around and do nothing. 


My family background is one side is rail thin and the other is rather plump.  I got the body that could be thin but has hips and thighs, as did my older sister, but while I am a pear she is a sparkplug.  Just all muscle.  Not fragile tiny, but strong tiny.  Now married and pregnant tiny in hawaii.


I grew up and out and up and out like my family always has, and ended up at the height of 5’6″, and untill I got my braces on the summer before junior year I was in the high 150s for pounds.  I didn’t like it at all, so I just wouldn’t weigh myself.  After the braces and what turned into a liquid diet for half the summer because of the pain, I was around 145, which isn’t alot but everyone noticed.  It felt so good to be seen like that, so I figured well food be damned.  But just because I think it with half my brain doesn’t mean that I can actually get it all the way through the rest of it.  By the end of senior year I was at a steady 142. 


Over the summer I worked out.  I did strange things to not eat and ended up eating anyway.


Then college happened.  Because I don’t have food around and I don’t have as much time to be lazy there is alot of walking and hunger.  But that is good because now I am steadily in the low 130s.  And before christmas break I am going to try to get to the high 120s.  I do yoga, walking, and just bought a strip tease arobic video.  It is kind of retarded but I don’t care much.  And my biggest vice is chocolate.  I do eat the food here, at the cafeteria, but not alot because it’s not very good.  And kids joke that there is laxatives in it because everyone is shitting their brains out, but I don’t mind because that cleans you out.  Quit complaining you might lose weight like me!  I have a thinsperation book, which I started making at the beginning of the summer, a huge art notebook nearly full of pictures.  NO ONE has ever seen it.  NO ONE knows I have it.


I will always be a fat girl in my body, no matter what age I am.   I just want to look in the mirror and see what I think, what I know I could be.  Thin.