Some Thoughts on the Glory of Single-dom

22 Sunday Mar 2015

Posted by Meagan Sean in Dirty Little..., Human Interest, Things TV Teaches Me

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Being single can be like being on vacation.
For instance, you can create rules and boundaries in your life and only have to answer to yourself. Better yet, you can change or break the rules however you like. If you decide that you don’t drink on week nights but have a particularly awful day on Tuesday and want to shotgun a glass of wine as soon as you get home, you can do it and call it a freebie. The only person who has to deal with your behavior is you.
You can be utterly selfish. This even extends to relationships in certain phases, because until there’s a ring on it there’s still that room in your life to say “that’s where I do what I do and you don’t have a say in it”. You get to say no to plans because you want a pedicure. You get to dole out your time with friends like a miser or lavish attention in unexpected ways. You can put all of your time and money into your favorite hobby, be it learning how to basket weave, playing a certain game, or constructing life size clay creatures from fantasy novels. You get to have your thing that makes you happy and no one gets to take that away from you.
You can have weird rituals. You can spend two hours perfecting your makeup. You can wake up later and skip the shower. If you’re a slob that keeps piles of clothes instead of a hamper you have a completely organized floor. If you can’t go to bed without having cleaned the house with everything in it’s place you can call it a perfectly normal night.
When you’re single you can do things like treat yourself to an adventure, be it driving across a few states to see a friend or taking yourself to the movies. It’s a little scary, but it’s exhilarating to experience something all by yourself. You can focus on the parts of a movie that speak to you, or the joys of a long drive that make you feel more like yourself.
One thing that I sometimes miss about being single is being able to romanticize what a relationship would be like. I think we all have done it, looking forward to that magical moment when your eyes meet across the room, the butterflies will be fluttering in your tummy as that person starts talking to you, and you find yourself swept off your feet with the initial request to spend time together. I used to imagine beautiful dates planned and sweet conversations with compliments about parts of me that I didn’t know could be seen as beautiful to another human being.
Of course, it is usually based on the romantic things I’ve seen in movies, TV shows, and heard in love songs. One of the reasons I actually love the movie “They Came Together” (which my boyfriend calls one of the worst movies he’s ever been forced to watch, right up there with the time I made him watch “Pride and Prejudice”) is that it mocks the entire romantic comedy genre in the best way ever. It gives the characters the qualities and story lines that we see in every Rom-Com, making the entire movie a mockery of what Hollywood has sugar coated and force fed us since we were in the uterus.
Now that I’m on the other side, in a relationship, I occasionally fantasize about the romantic ideas like I used to, but I don’t get too far into them. I’m happy with the Fella that I have, and dreaming about what he could be like if he changed feels wrong. I know what kind of person he is and what kind of person I am. Of course, as a woman, I want to be romanced and wooed and pursued. But it doesn’t all come about in the same ways. Our romantic moments are usually surrounded by goofy moments, loud moments, nerdy moments, serious moments, angry moments, stupid moments, stinky moments, and more. I wouldn’t trade the reality of talking with our mouths full about what the correct answer is in “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” for the daydream of what Hollywood deems romantic.

Small Changes Can Be Good

23 Saturday Aug 2014

Posted by Meagan Sean in Cosmo-Girl, Human Interest

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cosmetology, make-up, my work

My sister, her husband, and their two little boys have been staying at my parents house. In case you didn’t know, I live in that house as well, so it’s been quite a full week thus far considering the amount of people in the house has doubled, and I’ve been working some long shifts. It’s been very cool though, and I have enjoyed getting to spend time with the boys as well as Cait.
This past Wednesday was my day off and my sister’s wedding anniversary. I had already asked her if I could do her makeup sometime while she was home, so when she found out that my parents had arranged a date night for her and her husband she said I could do her makeup for it. The date would be taking place on a sailboat going around the portland harbor, so I immediately thought of a classic cat eye with black gel liner. Little did I know, this girl with the perfect eyes for liquid liner had never actually done a classic winged line!As a side note, you can see there is different lighting in the pictures, so that’s why the skin looks dramatically different.
The first thing I did was apply a small amount of Garnier BB Cream to her face. I didn’t bother with foundation, since her skin is doing really well and with her tan the BB Cream just evens everything out. I decided to try this BB Cream myself because of an article I read, but it’s too dark for my pasty skin. I then applied a concealer under her eyes and blended it into the BB Cream. I didn’t touch her eye brows because they are pretty much perfect right now. I applied some eye shadow primer to her lids and swept a light bone color all over the lid. I then put some gel liner from my Benefit They’re Real! Push Up Liner on my Paw Palette (excellent investment for makeup artist type people) and used an eye liner brush to apply the liner. I kept the liner close to her lash line as possible, taking it into a little wing at the outer edges. I then used a fluffy brush to put a little bit of brown shadow into the socket. I let her apply a few coats of mascara herself, then used Makeup Forever HD Microfinish Powder to take down any shine and to set the BB Cream. I used a bit of Too Faced bronzer to brighten up her tan around the edges of her face and her cheekbones and swiped on L’Oreal Colour Riche Extraordinaire Lip Color in a very pretty light pink on her full lips. She actually liked it so much that I let her borrow it for the night, and didn’t expect to get it back! And since this was her first time with that kind of makeup I was happy to know that her husband Kyle liked it, which he informed me of by pointing at her face and nodding. We have very unique communication styles. When my sister was 16 she saw a boy at youth group and felt God telling her that he was the man she was going to marry. Three years later in a tiny service on a beach in Hawaii I was the family representative at their elopement. My sister and her husband had a wedding that very much suited them: it was how they wanted it, when they wanted it, and without distractions from what they were doing. They are suited well for each other in that way.
From what I can tell it takes a lot of sacrifice to make a marriage work. My sister has been sacrificing parts of her life since she decided to marry Kyle, mostly when it comes to where she lives, since they live so far away from their families. She has also given up some of her passions over the years, waiting for the right time to see them fulfilled. She has sacrificed her time with her husband, as he is a marine and has spent a few long deployments over seas. She has given her parents and in-laws two wonderful grand-boys, and has been a part time worker and full time mom to help ends meet. She has done many things that I could not imagine doing at the moment, because I am simply not in the position to do so. And I respect her for it. Nine years later my sister and her husband still make a handsome couple, a team that depends on each other, a force to be reckoned with.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Zoom Zoom.

19 Saturday Jul 2014

Posted by Meagan Sean in Dirty's Reports, Human Interest

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complaining, Dirty's Report, Personal Update, True Life

Another year has come and gone, another birthday has been spent thinking about all of the things I haven’t accomplished in my life, and another season has hit with the tenacity of this humid Maine summer.

I’m not really a control freak. I’m actually the worst with control. I know this because I don’t have it so I don’t bother trying to control things. I don’t clean my room very often. I don’t get upset if people don’t do things my way. I don’t even drive.

Driving a car is to me the scariest thing in the entire universe, second only to bees. Anxiety reigns when I get behind the wheel. My heart rate elevates, my hands start shaking, and I start to hyper focus. What other people can do like it’s no big deal at all I find terrifying and paralyzing. I don’t understand people who think they are safe having control over a vehicle that could easily get smashed to pieces by another bigger vehicle. I don’t like having the responsibility of life and death in my hands. Is that a little dramatic? Do I care? If you find a bee in the house, set it on fire. The house. With the bee inside.

But I promised my parents, those people who are trying to help me be a grown up, at the beginning of the year that I would work towards getting my license. Since January I have been studiously avoiding the driver’s manual and making sure that I am only in the passenger’s seat of the car. Every now and then I had lapses in concentration and read the book, or mom would annoy the crap out of me and quiz me. Surprisingly I become a comedian when people quiz me about car stuff. Like, I’m really funny you guys. You’d have to be there but trust me on this: I’m hilarious.

The day after my birthday I woke up at 7 and mom drove me to the DMV so that I could take the test to get my permit. The proctor wished me a late happy birthday. The security guy behind him asked if he was too late to spank me. I gave them a look. The first guy said I wasn’t down for that. I said no I was not.

After the eye exam I sat down at the computer with my name on the screen and started the test. The night before I had planned on studying but instead I drank tequila and talked to a friend on the phone for over an hour. I also didn’t even get out of work until 9:50 pm or so. But I relied on my extensive test taking skills that I acquired from years of schooling, and I strategically answered as many questions as I could without going over the limit of wrong answers and skipped a few that I didn’t know to answer questions I did know. Ultimately I was one of the first people finished and I got a modest 80.

So now I have to drive.

It’s not like there’s a set amount of hours, the proctor said that I could send in to take the test when I feel ready. So I have 5 months to start attempting to drive like a sane human person so that I can send in for said license test.

But I don’t like it! And it’s so hard! And it scares me so much you guys! I’d rather be covered in bees while trying to eat honey, which apparently some dude did.

In trying to power through the anxiety wall I am finding myself facing more anxiety behind the wheel. How can people do anything while driving? I can barely work the radio, which really pisses me off because I need some tunes always. I forget that I have mirrors, so I just pray there’s no one on the road before I leave the driveway. I’m not entirely understanding of the amount of space that the car takes up on the road from the driver’s seat. I drive under the speed limit a lot.

But I’m trying.

I know that God wants me to do it because He made me my parent’s daughter and they are quite fervent in their belief that I need to drive. I know that He wants me to do it because He doesn’t like that I live afraid of something. I know He wants me to put on my big girl panties and deal with driving because what everyone has told me is true, I will be able to have freedom. But I don’t think it’s just the ability to go where I want to that will be this freedom, I think it will be God giving me a chance to work through this fear. I’m afraid of the things I can’t control outside the car and of being unable to control it correctly myself. If I were in the bible I would be a lazy disciple, definitely. No wonder God is giving me another challenge.

What I want to do is one of the most difficult things in the universe. I want to rely not on myself but on the truth of who Christ is. I know that if I can remember to focus on this whole driving thing as a spiritual exercise I’ll rely on Christ instead of my own ability, which is always the most comforting thing I can think of when facing stress and anxiety. When I try to take control, lose control, whatever; the truth of the situation is that I have a savior who is waiting for me in the eye of the storm. I’m not getting swept away like Dorothy to Oz, and I’m not going to hide in the storm cellar either. I’m going to try to meet Him in the middle of the terrifying.

Happy Birthday To My Mom

16 Monday Jun 2014

Posted by Meagan Sean in Human Interest

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adventure, Human Interest, Personal Update, Random

Since it’s mom’s birthday today I thought it would be a good time to share some really cool pictures from our sightseeing in Texas. We got to take the train to Reunion Tower in Dallas, which was completely rad.The view was incredible, and we got to have lunch at their Cloud Nine Cafe, which was super yum. Apparently all the items on the menu were designed by chef Wolfgang Puck, and there is another restaurant that is fancier called Five Sixty that requires things like making reservations and a dress code. You can get more information about the tower here. Being in a hotel room with my mother for 6 days could have been the worst, but I am so thankful that it wasn’t. I think God really wanted us to have a little vacation, because that’s what it felt like. We even worked out together in the tiny little hotel gym, which was pretty hilarious. The past few years have definitely been rough at times, but there has also been some positive growth, especially when it comes to the relationships in our family. I’m very happy to have my mom, I would never want another woman to take her place.

Dallas BBQ

10 Saturday May 2014

Posted by Meagan Sean in Human Interest

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adventure, True Life

Last week my mom and I took a little trip from New England to Dallas, Texas in order to see one of my Best Friends, her dad, husband, and brand new son George. While we were there we spent a fair amount of time in their apartment, and mom convinced them it would be a really good idea to lug the ancient BBQ down from the third floor so we could enjoy some burgers.

Being from New England it’s very strange to go from 40-50 degree weather so 95 degree weather daily! I ended up buying a pair of shorts and using a lot of sunscreen, so thankfully I have not gotten a sunburn yet this year. It helped that all the buildings had air conditioning, which was really nice when we went to bed. I love being nice and chilly before I fall asleep under a fluffy comforter!

George was a week old when I took these pictures, and his face has been filling out even more. I love watching him; his facial expressions remind me of his mom so much! I would be helping her with something, or we would just be talking, and she would say or do something that made me laugh and point out that it was the same expression that her baby makes!

George’s mom actually has 2 dogs, and her dad has 1, but the only one that is friendly to all strangers and doesn’t run away is Ginny. She’s got a lot of energy, what with being only about 6 months old!

In the picture above Winrey, Ginny’s mom, is barking out the window at us. And below is the neighbor’s dog, drooling over our burgers.

The trip was only 6 days but I still feel that it was needed. It was really nice to get away and relax, not think too hard about all of the things that stress me out from day to day. It really felt like a vacation with a reason, and I’m really glad I got to take it. I especially loved getting to spend time with my old friend and her family. She’s a really strong woman and an inspiration to me in some ways. I’ve really missed her, and it was nice to get to see her growing family, getting to know them a little better and spending time with them.