My mother and sister are coming up to visit today.  They are about 3 hours late.  It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have such a bad night last night.  The guy I was hoping would be my date to the dance isn’t going, and how am I supposed to react?  I really like this guy and all I know is that he isn’t going, and all I’m left to do is assume that it’s because I’m not good enough.  That we don’t have what I thought we might.  And my sister will be here and I thought that would cheer me up but when we talked on the phone instead of being insightful and realizing that maybe more is wrong with me she just tells me to stop being a bitch.  I wasn’t even being that bad, I just don’t know what to do.  Not today, not tomorrow, not with her, not with myself.  This all makes me want to cut myself so that there is something to do with myself.  But I won’t.  Instead I’m not eating untill they take me out to dinner later, which I almost wish they wouldn’t.  I need to get hard core with this, because I’m not.  I lapse all the time.  I’m going to be more disceplined.  I’m going to take control of the only thing I can control.