So it’s 1 in the morning so I don’t feel bad about updating.  I was being a little superstisious and was like ‘I’ll jinx myself if I say I’m fasting!’ but now I did fast and I can’t eat because I’m so tired that I just want to go to bed and food will waken my self.  I didn’t eat from friday night till now and I am going to eat tomorrow afternoon I believe.  I think I did pretty well.  Still haven’t weighed myself and I think I am going to wait till monday morning so that I can just pee and jump on the scale.  I’m hoping that I didn’t gain anything and that is pretty much it.  I just don’t want to be all up in there again. 


I’m getting wierd cramps, does anyone else get wierd cramps like in their ribs when they fast?  Oh yeah and I took 2 zantrax 3 this afternoon when I woke up.  Yes, this afternoon.  I was asleep until 3. 


I think that useing my retainer helps with my wanting to put things in my mouth.  Plus I kinda suck on it.  It’s like an oral fixation.


I went for a walk today about 25 minutes which is good because otherwise I was inside watching the OC or Friends.  It was a really nice walk too, nice weather and all sunny and I talked to God a bit and you know we have a few things to work out because He doesn’t like this whole body obsession.  He thinks I should try to be like Him and I’m all for that but I want to get this all out of my system if that makes sense.  Like if I don’t go hard core everything will still be inside me and I will always have to fight it.  I would rather just go extreamly into it for a year or two (God willing He let me live that long) and then be done and have a great thing.  You know how some people go through stuff and have things that they know all about and they can teach you not to do from personal experiance?  Well I don’t have one aside from growing up in a home that fractured then broke, and I am doing this so I guess it will be my thing.  This being my eating disorder.  Wow, never typed it before.  I have an eating disorder.  Maybe not anorexia, but def. something disordered about my eating habits.


If you read that I love you and tell me and I will make you something.  Yeah.  And I will comment on everyone tomorrow evening.  Lots of love.  Stay focused, think thin.


❤ M