128.5

I just passed out in the shower and fell over the edge onto my face.  It hurt.  It scared me.  I know why it happened, I haven’t eaten and the water was really hot.  I can’t stop shaking.

INTAKE

B – Granola bar, 180 cals

S – Hot Chocolate, 150? cals

P – 2 Apple Cider Vinager Diet Pills, 2 Power G, 4 Green Tea

L – Chicken pot pie, two chocolate chip cookies. 

When I could finally move without feeling like I was going to pass out I grabbed a granola bar.  I kept thinking ‘I don’t need to eat, this doesn’t mean anything’ but then I would feel like passing out again and I would be like ‘Ok I’ll eat!’  Now I have a third lip my mouth is so swollen, and the inside of my bottom lip is all ripped up from my retainer because it was still in at the time of the fall, and I have a scrape on my chin.  And a headache.

But I’m ok.  I just have to keep going.  Keep on keeping on.  I might eat lunch and go to class and skip dinner. 

EDIT – I so didn’t skip dinner.  In fact I even went to late night.  I am going to do my best to fast tomorrow.  I don’t think I will need so much breakfast because I was a pig today.

And I went to the nurse and I’m still dehydrated.  Freakin water.

1. The OC was freakin awesome and I kinda think Johnny died but that would be so sad and Seth needs to stop smoking pot or I will kick his ass.

2. The zantrax works well, it gives me energy and I have lost a few pounds.  That is really all I have to say about it.

3.  This weekend has been sucking because it is such bad weather and there is nothing to do. 

4.  Last night I visited Him at the Cafe and read Pride and Prejudice or at least the first bit of it and I wish I didn’t like Him so much because at the moment he seems to be the only boy I know who doesn’t like me back.  So frustrating.  And all of the other boys need to stop looking at me or something.  I think I’m going brown over next weekend just so people stop looking at me. 

5.  I’m fasting.  I’m too fat.

6. Fast is still going well, I am going to do it at least until lunch time tomorrow, around 11. 

7. Pride and Prejudice is really good.  I already think of myself as an Elizabeth Bennet.   I wish I was.

128.9  Yay I’m getting there!

Intake so far – 1 zantrax, 1 everything bagel with cream cheese.  Not great, but I won’t really be eating much otherwise today.  I promise.

My friends and I have developed The OC night in their dorm.  It started last night, and there was cake (purely coincidental) and then my friend Tom was there and Danny was like “When is Meagan and Tom going to go out?  You can cut the sexual tension with a knife” Just going on and on and on and I am not impressed, especially since I like someone else whose name starts with T and it’s not a Tom.  I don’t know how to handle these situations.

Then there is the other situation I don’t know how to handle, The Jahovah’s Witness, Sam.  He is in all sorts of bad times right now and I can’t do anything for him and I think he thinks of me as that goodness in his life and I just want to be like I’M NOT SO STOP THINKING OF ME but that the same time I’m like you have nothing else and I don’t want you to do anything rash.  It’s so frustrating. 

EDIT – I had dinner, I had healthy stuff and then a brownie.  Then I had a hot chocolate and a few pringles.  I also had an apple cider vinager diet pill before hand so it wouldn’t suck too bad.

NO MORE

No more excuses, no more food.  I am getting back into the swing of things.  I am fasting today.  I am not going to let myself down.  “A contest against myself, that’s my favorite kind!”  ahhaha Monica from friends.  You know, she can be rather thinspirational because she is a cook and skinny and used to be fat.  I know I know it’s just TV but I think it’s great when she says things like “There’s a fat girl inside me that I haven’t fed in years”.  Maria Menunos did it too.  Except in real life, no on TV.  She was a 12 and lost a tons of weight so that she could be in the TV career. 

My thinspriation:

You know, I don’t know about an ultimate goal weight but right now my ultimate goal is to have a ladder, like the one on this chick. 

EDIT – Intake so far

B – None

L – None

S – A honey packet.  Some water.  I need to drink more water but I don’t really have any.

D – Veggies and water.  Not a bad way to break a fast.

S – about 150 cals of dark chocolate, a small piece of cake.  Well, I just think it could have been worse and if that was the only thing that really counted for my eating today I don’t mind.  I purposely didn’t take any pills today but will tomorrow.

E – I went for a half hour walk (around a mile) and then did crunches and such for about 5 minutes.  I love working out.  Tomorrow I might do yoga.

I have decided I am in love with Natalie Portman’s charecter from Closer.  I want to be her when I grow up.  But instead I am going to be a christian.  I guess I will be the christian version or something.

130.6

I am not very happy about that. 

I remembered a few things today, and figured out a few more. 

1. I am a social eater.  When I am around people I get hungry.  I think it is because they get hungry.  I am going to stop doing that.

2. When I don’t sleep I get hungry.  The whole not getting 8 hours of sleep in 72 hours kinda kills you and starts up your apatite.  I am trying to switch rooms but if I even can it won’t happen until next week. 

3. Taking 3 zantrax in the morning will make you feel like shit on top of being extreamly tired.

4. I need to stop being fat before I got to Virginia Beach for spring break.  Yeah, Mom said she would pay.  That means I gotta start actually working toward this.  I have something to work out for.  The abs and ass to pull off my new swim suits.

Thanks for the comments girls, stay strong.  It’s hard (notice me) but we can do it.  At least we can try.  I have to eat tomorrow, but starting thursday it is restriction central.  Because people are all about now I can’t lie about eating as easily.  I will figure out something I guess.  For now I have a headache and need sleep.  My roommate was up rustleing things and watching a movie all night last night.  Literally all night.  No sleep in this room, that would be wrong!  Ick.