I have been hanging out with Holly and Elise all today and with them we act like starving college students.  I feel gross.

Tomorrow I fruit and veggie it.  And maybe even weigh it.  In the morning if the roomie is asleep.  She isn’t thinspiration but there are others around. 

I feel gross.  I need sleep.  I will comment ya’ll tomorrow.  First I have to go to class, the health center, and the pizza place to see if I can get a job.  I need moneys if I’m going to Virginia Beach with Elise and Holly for spring break.

I just took a shower and I am so disgiusted with myself.  Maybe just no food tomorrow.

Again, everyone is so great with commenting.  I will comment you ALL tomorrow, but tonight I need rest.  Much Love.

My day started out so good and it ended so bad.  Oh Lord, please give me strength.  I ate so much, and I’m eating again tomorrow.  I think I will eat tomorrow, take xantrax and such, then on tuesday fast and take the pills.  Then wednesday night I will be eating.  I think I can do that.

My new room mate is back and it’s so wierd.  She doesn’t speak great english and I just don’t want to like not get along or whatever.  And I don’t want her to think I’m crazy because of my obsession about my weight.  I will just do things when she isn’t around, she has class at 9 tomorrow morning and mine isn’t until 10, but I’m getting breakfast at 9.15 so I am going to check out the book situation before that.  I might not get a chance to weigh myself until tuesday morning.  I don’t weigh myself during the day or night, only when I first wake up after I pee. 

Speaking of the bathroom…I swear I have a bashful bowel syndrome, because for me it is the hardest thing to go when I know people could walk in at any time and hear me.  I mean, who thought of public bathrooms to begin with and why did they have to?  I think I’m going to need a stronger laxative, because I get stopped up.  But I can’t have something that will make me implode/explode.  And it has to be something cheap.  I might have to wait to do any of this shopping until I’m at home and C can take me.  I will get money from the rents and we can go to p-town or something.  I am just so afraid that I will screw myself over with eating.  AHHH I don’t want to! 

I am in love with everyone who leaves comments, you are all so sweet.  I will go comment tomorrow because I have to go to bed tonight but thank you ever so much!

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Mhhh…I think that working out for two weeks and not eating then having my period and eating a bit and taking pills all the while is working for me.  I don’t know.  I just want to keep this happening cus that is like 5 pounds in a month.  I was looking at my past entries and I’ve only lost 5 pounds since the begginning of december.  I need to get better at this. Or keep being better at this. 

Last night my friend (the one who is male and has a crush on me) told me he is worried about me.  Straight up worried because he sees patterns in me of the negative sort, and he couldn’t place what he thinks is going on but he wants me to tell him.  So I didn’t.  I told him yes, I have an outlet for it (xanga), yes there is someone who has been here before that I can talk to about it (C) and no God doesn’t like what I’m doing but I am doing it anyway.  He wants to make sure I’m going to be ok, and all I can think is yeah first of I’m still pretty darn fat so I don’t think I have any conditions arising, second I would know if I did and I would try to get healthier, third yeah, motherfucker, I’m fine.

New Layout.  Thoughts?

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So far so fasting.  Reward?  Good idea.  I think I will admire my bones.  Honestly, I don’t know how to reward myself because the reward for me will be being thin.  Seeing those bones pop out.  People noticing.  I think that will be enough. 

I haven’t seen Him yet, and I hope he can be a reward. 

EDIT – Oh and then I ate.  Oops.  But I took a zantrax this morning.  Hopefully it won’t be too bad.  I didn’t eat alot. 

Mmmmm I ate more.   I feel kind of bad about that.  But also I took more pills and shnikey.  And I am fasting tomorrow. 

Everyone is coming back for classes and it’s wierd.  Like my neighbor who is kind mean.  I’m just hoping that they all leave me alone for the most part.