129.2

And I might be eating something in class today so I’m going to take some zantrax and get to work on my finals.  Update later.  Everyone is too wonderful by commenting.  It makes my day.

EDIT – Well, I ate a sandwich.  I don’t know how many calories, I’m thinking something like 200 for the bread, 110 for the cheese, I just calculated about 35 for the meat, and a piece of lettuce which I don’t think has many at all, so that makes for around 350 calories for the sandwich, then I took green tea/powerg/fiber before hand so that I wouldn’t feel so bad about eating an entire sandwich.

Today ends January Term.  Now everyone is filtering in and I want them to go away. 

EDIT AGAIN! – And I went on a walk.  I found out by driving with a friend and clocking it that my walk route (a to b to c to a) from a to b is .6 miles, and b to c is just a cross road thing, and c to a is roughly the same as a to b.  So to sort all this out the fact is it’s a little over a mile.  That makes me feel a bit good about walking.  Like hey I walk a mile sometimes just for exercise.  Yeah I am wierd. 

I was thinking about how people are like “Anorexia is serious and you shouldn’t want it”.  I think that they have a good point and all, but telling people that online in a harsh way is not going to help.  It just makes those people feel even more rejected and sad, like they can’t even be accepted for who they are when they don’t have to show their apperance.  That is not how to handle the situation.  Plus, for alot of girls they need to find out what they will do not from being told but from figuring it out themselves. 

That is just my ponder of the day.

Thank you for all of the comments on the pictures. 

129.5 today.  That is the lowest I have ever been.  I am so close! 

breakfast – Hunny Nut Cheerios, 110 calories

pills – Apple Cider Vinager Diet Pills, Green Tea, Power G

I have so much school work to do today it’s not even funny.  But first I will go comment because you need to have priorities.

EDIT –

pills – same as above

D – Granola bar – 180

Frosted Chex – 110

Pudding Pack – 100

That makes today’s total 500 I believe.  Wow, that’s alot.  I’m going to do better tomorrow.  For some reason today I’m just really hungry.  I think I slept too much.

I have nothing better to do than to re-update because I don’t feel like everyone reading what I just wrote.  I mean, you can, but I don’t suggest it.  It’s all emotional and crap.  Stupid period.

So intake today has been water and greenteapills and zantrax and g-power and fiber.  It will also be a pudding snack pack, which is 100 calories, and I am thinking of evening it out with an apple first.  I went for a small walk today, but I didn’t really work out because instead I stressed and did homework and didn’t eat. 

I have alot of respect for the people that can actually plan their week and when they will and won’t eat.  I just decide the night before most of time.

I’m really having a bad day.  Fell asleep around 2 and woke up at quarter of 8 and dyed my hair blonde and did work and went to class at 12 and did work and then

One of my best male friends decides to tell me that he has a ‘massive crush’ on me.  Oh no.  This kid is one of my best friends, he is funny, not bad looking, smart, over analytical, has been involved in ‘the buisness of protection and provention'(organized crime), and is a Jahovah’s Witness.  I would never date him.  Not only do I not date Jahovah’s Witnesses, but I would never feel safe with him.  And I feel so bad because he is one of my best friends and he doesn’t like girls just generally like having crushes on whoever, and he thinks alot of me and all I can think is ‘no, don’t I’m not worth it I’m way too much for you’ because he thinks he knows me really well but he doesn’t even know about THIS, the ED stuff and I can’t tell him but you know I would be afraid of crushing him with my body all the time and it’s horrible. 

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NOT weighing myself until I feel better about what is (not) in my body.  I am fasting today, going to see how long I can do it.  I didn’t get very much sleep at all last night.  Did wake up at 7.40 and bleach my hair.  Want to see pictures?

INTAKE – 1 zantrax 3, 2 green tea, 1 power-g

EDIT – This is what you call the progression.

From almost my natural color to a brown ish red with bangs

Then I got bored one day and decided to go to blonde, later to blonder

From blonder to blondest with grown outish bangs

And those are my bracelets.  I like them very much.

Still haven’t eaten today.  I feel good though.  And I have to go do finals.  Ick.