So it’s 1 in the morning so I don’t feel bad about updating.  I was being a little superstisious and was like ‘I’ll jinx myself if I say I’m fasting!’ but now I did fast and I can’t eat because I’m so tired that I just want to go to bed and food will waken my self.  I didn’t eat from friday night till now and I am going to eat tomorrow afternoon I believe.  I think I did pretty well.  Still haven’t weighed myself and I think I am going to wait till monday morning so that I can just pee and jump on the scale.  I’m hoping that I didn’t gain anything and that is pretty much it.  I just don’t want to be all up in there again. 

I’m getting wierd cramps, does anyone else get wierd cramps like in their ribs when they fast?  Oh yeah and I took 2 zantrax 3 this afternoon when I woke up.  Yes, this afternoon.  I was asleep until 3. 

I think that useing my retainer helps with my wanting to put things in my mouth.  Plus I kinda suck on it.  It’s like an oral fixation.

I went for a walk today about 25 minutes which is good because otherwise I was inside watching the OC or Friends.  It was a really nice walk too, nice weather and all sunny and I talked to God a bit and you know we have a few things to work out because He doesn’t like this whole body obsession.  He thinks I should try to be like Him and I’m all for that but I want to get this all out of my system if that makes sense.  Like if I don’t go hard core everything will still be inside me and I will always have to fight it.  I would rather just go extreamly into it for a year or two (God willing He let me live that long) and then be done and have a great thing.  You know how some people go through stuff and have things that they know all about and they can teach you not to do from personal experiance?  Well I don’t have one aside from growing up in a home that fractured then broke, and I am doing this so I guess it will be my thing.  This being my eating disorder.  Wow, never typed it before.  I have an eating disorder.  Maybe not anorexia, but def. something disordered about my eating habits.

If you read that I love you and tell me and I will make you something.  Yeah.  And I will comment on everyone tomorrow evening.  Lots of love.  Stay focused, think thin.

❤ M

desirebella25 tagged me!

Rules: The first player of this game starts with the topic “Five things you hate (pet peeves).” and the people who get tagged need to write a xanga entry about their five pet peeves as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and list their xanga usernames. Don’t forget to write a comment saying “you’re tagged” on their xanga, and tell them to read yours. No double tagging.

1. I absolutely hate when I am woken up before I have to wake up.  It’s hard enough to fall asleep.

2. When people make out in front of me.

3. Gossip.

4. People that think they know everything, won’t let you tell them anything otherwise, and have to tell you a million times that they are right AND that they aren’t trying to push their opinions on you. 

5. I’m fat.

I tag..
Zevx

FatCountryGrl

make_me_perfectx3

dyingtobepure23

daddysXlittleXprincess

So this will be a better update than the ones I have been giving.

Yesterday I had so much food.  I went to a buffet (I know, BAD IDEA) with my friend.  We pulled the starving college student card.  I also had two candy bars and chocolate cake and cereal and a granola bar.  It was sick.  Eiw.  Took extra Fiber when I got back to the dorm and had a zantrax before I left. 

I haven’t been working out alot this week because I’ve screwed up my sleep schedual and I just want to fix it.  My mom is coming up tomorrow but I might be able to get out of eating because when she comes to visit she always buys me a meal but she is broke.  Like seriously poor.  I want to slap her upside the head because she can’t handle her money but I know she will hit me back and I don’t hit hard and she does.

Harry Potter was awesome but I am seriously depressed that Cederic died.  He is beautiful.  I want one.  And by one I mean him.  Gah.

I don’t know how much I weigh, I’m waiting till monday to pull the scale out.  Give myself a break.  OH YEAH and I was all feeling like ‘maybe I should just chill with the whole eating thing’ then I watched the OC last night.  Thinspiration!  Now I’m like dude I have to be like them and I’m all back on up in there.  I am so going to binge on season 2 this weekend because Holly is going home til sunday night.  I miss Elise.  She will be here next week.  Yay!

After getting notenoughsleep I am feeling better and will be meandering about the internet for a while this morning giving comments and such.  Sorry I’m all slacking and crap.  I don’t like it much. 

I was horrible today, do NOT want to talk about it.  This weekend is going to be major recon to see if I can fix some of the dammage I did.

FINALLY got the LL Vanity Fair.  So relieved.  Hate vanity fair, LOVE lindsay lohan.  As you can tell.