I don’t know why I bother posting in the morning when there is so much of the day left.  Well today is a good day and it started out on track so I am going to do better I promise.

I don’t even want to think about yesterday.  It was horrible.  Restart and today.

It is kinda early still and I haven’t eaten, but I always seem to eat more when I don’t eat anything for breakfast so I think I will get myself some hot cocoa after a shower so I don’t feel like I have to eat everything in sight.  SHIT I just remembered I have to get pizza tonight for girls last night.  Well, I will just have to be so good over break.  It should be easy, just eat when mom eats which is never.  ha.  ha.  ha. 

Last night Elise and I were at the pancake dinner (don’t want to talk about it) and He sat with us and I made a comment on how foreign people are so much prettier than us, and He started in on don’t make me point out the good parts of both of you, which he did.  One each, I have rosy cheeks and Elise has hair that folds nicely.  But thing is I didn’t want him to do that because now I feel like I was fishing for complements but I wasn’t!  Then He said something about himself, something random and completely off topic, and for a He and I conversation it would have been fine but Elise was there so I was like are you talking about yourself?  Again?  and he was like … Yes.  So I said lets talk about Elise!  Elise said let’s talk about Elise!  And He said let’s talk about Elise!  And we all did. 

EDIT – Intake so far

B – hot cocoa

L – Green Beans and a tiny bit of broth

So far so good. 

So far so good, although I have a bit longer to go before I can be successful in all of this.  It is 1 in the afternoon and I haven’t eaten, but then there is the rest of the day and as hopeful as I am I am also a bit down about it.  I was at 130 and now I’m back at 132 and that is bothering me to the point of starvation which is a good thing of course.  Ugh I just feel like crap today. 

Put on two pounds since the beginning of the week.  Oops.  I know why.  Cus I’ve been eating.  I can’t anymore.  It’s making me unhappy.  Gotta get back to the euphoria that I get when I’m hungry.  I am not looking forward to home aside from getting to see my friends.  I’m going to try to hook up with Beth and Chris said she wanted to do something, so I’m pretty phyced to see them.

The dance last night sucked way bad, but He saw me looking really damn good if I may say so myself and he told me I looked good.  I know it wasn’t just a oh hey you look nice because I saw him look at me, and it wasn’t just casual look. 

I think I’m addicted to hot cocoa.  uh oh. 

EDIT – Today all I have had so far is a bite of a granola bar.  Pretty good.  I know I will have some cocoa later because, well, He is working at the cafe tonight so I might as well stop by on my way to reading at the library.  Pathetic?  Of course.  I just hope Holly can keep my secret that I like him.  I trust her but I also trust that she might tell. 

EDIT AGAIN – And then I had some squash, potatoes, and french fries.  and cookies and milk.  Well that was dumb.

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Which Olsen twin are you?

Ashley
You got Ashley Olsen. You are shy sometimes, but you can loosen up and have fun too. You are careful, and think about the possible outcomes of things. You might need to lighten up a bit. You have a great sense of style, that will make guys look twice. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, and can conquer the world if you really want to.

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That and I’ve been eating more than I should latley. Damn. It.