I just keep eating chocolate.  That is all I’ve eaten today.  It’s like if I’m going to eat something I might as well eat something I want to eat, but then if I eat anything but chocolate I feel like a pig but also I want chocolate after so these days it’s easier to just eat chocolate if I feel hungry.  I end up eating with my mom though, meals that make me feel like a pig.  I hate being home.  I want to go away.

I am so tired, I want to sleep but if I do then I won’t be able to sleep tonight.  And I don’t take naps well.

America’s Next Top Model marathon on VH1 tomorrow.  That is my favorite show to ever watch all day.  I’m excited. 

Today all I ate was sugar. 

B – Reese’s Puffs

S – Sugar cookies and Chocolate

I was babysitting so I actually skipped lunch and the snack was sort of the food for that.  But I really wish I hadn’t eaten so much sugar it makes me feel gross.  Also I haven’t really gotten to work out because I am at home, but I have a plan and it will commence in 1.5 weeks. 

PLAN

Buy – More G-power, Green Tea, and some other diet pill (hydroxycut possibly, expencive but I actually have the money), Low Cal snacks, Water

Days – Wake up at 8 take shower make self look spiffy, take G-power, Green tea, and diet pill, take breakfast with to class at 9

11.30 out of class, take pills, have lunch with Holly, do homework till 12.45

1. Class, out by 3.30?  Go to gym with Holly and have dinner (maybe not in that order)

Do homework at night, and chill with Holly and Dan

Favorite new thinspiration – Lindsay Lohan.  Got her new cd and have been looking up pictures of her.  She is so damn beautiful and I want to look like her.  Even if I have to starve.  Heck, I bet she did.

EDIT – I just picked up the new issue of Allure, and it has stuff about the dangers of diet pills in it so what do I think about it?  I want them.  Can’t wait to go back to college and get back to work on my body. 

So far this vacation has been a bust in the food department.  It’s not like I’ve been binge-ing, I just have been eating.  Ugh last night I ate an entire thing of Ben and Jerrys.  Bad idea.

Well, I’m fasting today and keeping myself in my room until there is something to do outside of the house.  I haven’t had a way to work out either except for the punching bag in the basement, but I got some good CDs for Christmas that I can dance like a fool to. 

I have no idea if I made my goal weight because I haven’t weighed myself in a while, and I’m not going to do it here because my mom’s scale is off and she is so skinny it freaks me out.  It is embaressing how she is smaller than I am.  Maybe I should start smoking too…nah.  If I’m going to get sick it might as well be from not eating, not lung cancer. 

I’m going to try to be creative today.  Don’t know how, but I will do something.

EDIT – I wasn’t very creative today.  And I have been fasting for 18 hours and I have decided that the best bet for me is to do alot of fasting unless around the family, when I will eat what I can stand.  And I might have to eat chocolate because I’m going to be on my period and I just want it.  Not binge-ing.  I can’t do that.  I just can’t.  I understand how people could but I just can’t. 

Went to the mall today and might get a few shirts tomorrow.  They are so cute, one of them is so Mischa Barton.  I love her.

Thanks for the comments girls, it really to know that people understand and care.

B – Reese’s puffs

L – Hot Chocolate

S – Chips and Dip, salsa and tortilla chips but only about 200 cal worth

D – TBA

Been cleaning alot, cleaned my room completely, doing laundry and got my hair cut.  Trying to keep busy.  I think I might pick up the bass again, at least the piano while I’m home.

The other day my friend told me that raising an apple over your head 4 times burns 1 cal so I’ve been just moving all the time to burn anything I can.  It makes me into a bit of a spaz and a little hyperactive looking.

And I danced and boxed for about a half hour today so there I guess I worked out a bit.