Wow today SUCKED with the eating thing.  All grease. 

Ok, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.  I had a half an omelette and a bit of toast and some potatoe pancake for lunch, then I had an Alex’s pizza for dinner.  But it made me feel pretty sick so tomorrow it may be a fast day.  We will see. 

Better today.

B – hot chocolate

L – some steamed carrots, more hot chocolate

That is it for today.  So far so good!  I’m pretty proud of myself.  Going out to dinner with dad later though.  I can always say I ate something first, no biggie. 

I ate lunch with Him today.  It was good.

EDIT – As good as I was with lunch, there was after.

S – two cubes of chocolate

D – a cup of broccoli soup (sp), half a large roll, not even half of the fish and chips I ordered, and three chocolate chip cookies.  Three letter word for hilarious – DAD.  He will not keep me thin, but cleaning my room will!  So much to do here while I’m home.

I really wish I could stop thinking about Him.  (not my dad, not in the slightest.)

I just found out that one of my oldest and best friends is going to be going to OA meetings.  That is Overeaters Anonymous.  I can’t spell.  I always kind of knew that she was, but I couldn’t say anything.  And sadly it so inspiring to not eat.  At all.  I already ate lunch but now I’m like whoa food?  I don’t think so.

The song Courage by Superchick is about eating disorders.  Check it out if you can.

EDIT – Aly Burns just IMed me and asked me if I was skinny now.  Aparently I mentioned to Devan that I lost weight and she took it as oh she’s skinny now and told Aly and Aly being wonderous and all sorts of good charecteristics asked me about it.

My reaction to this – WHAT THE FUCK.

If people think I’ve gotten skinny then they really have a bad hold on weight loss.  I lost just enough to make people notice and maybe I’m dressing better or something but there is no way I am skinny.  No.  Way. 
Since when do people from back home care about me anyway?  I was never someone you noticed.  No one even realised that I went to college until I came back for a visit a month later.  ‘What do you mean your visiting?  Wait did you go somewhere?’  Yeah I did.  I got a life where I may be alone but at least I’m not in a crowd hating myself like I was back there.  The worst was being invisible no matter how much commotion you were causing.  Even my closest friends had no idea.

What is people biggest misconception about me?  That I’m really like this.  That I’m not always putting on an act no matter where I am because I always am thinking about what other people are thinking.  What is the real me?  Good question, it got lost in the shuffle.

I don’t know why I bother posting in the morning when there is so much of the day left.  Well today is a good day and it started out on track so I am going to do better I promise.

I don’t even want to think about yesterday.  It was horrible.  Restart and today.

It is kinda early still and I haven’t eaten, but I always seem to eat more when I don’t eat anything for breakfast so I think I will get myself some hot cocoa after a shower so I don’t feel like I have to eat everything in sight.  SHIT I just remembered I have to get pizza tonight for girls last night.  Well, I will just have to be so good over break.  It should be easy, just eat when mom eats which is never.  ha.  ha.  ha. 

Last night Elise and I were at the pancake dinner (don’t want to talk about it) and He sat with us and I made a comment on how foreign people are so much prettier than us, and He started in on don’t make me point out the good parts of both of you, which he did.  One each, I have rosy cheeks and Elise has hair that folds nicely.  But thing is I didn’t want him to do that because now I feel like I was fishing for complements but I wasn’t!  Then He said something about himself, something random and completely off topic, and for a He and I conversation it would have been fine but Elise was there so I was like are you talking about yourself?  Again?  and he was like … Yes.  So I said lets talk about Elise!  Elise said let’s talk about Elise!  And He said let’s talk about Elise!  And we all did. 

EDIT – Intake so far

B – hot cocoa

L – Green Beans and a tiny bit of broth

So far so good.