128.9  Yay I’m getting there!

Intake so far – 1 zantrax, 1 everything bagel with cream cheese.  Not great, but I won’t really be eating much otherwise today.  I promise.

My friends and I have developed The OC night in their dorm.  It started last night, and there was cake (purely coincidental) and then my friend Tom was there and Danny was like “When is Meagan and Tom going to go out?  You can cut the sexual tension with a knife” Just going on and on and on and I am not impressed, especially since I like someone else whose name starts with T and it’s not a Tom.  I don’t know how to handle these situations.

Then there is the other situation I don’t know how to handle, The Jahovah’s Witness, Sam.  He is in all sorts of bad times right now and I can’t do anything for him and I think he thinks of me as that goodness in his life and I just want to be like I’M NOT SO STOP THINKING OF ME but that the same time I’m like you have nothing else and I don’t want you to do anything rash.  It’s so frustrating. 

EDIT – I had dinner, I had healthy stuff and then a brownie.  Then I had a hot chocolate and a few pringles.  I also had an apple cider vinager diet pill before hand so it wouldn’t suck too bad.

NO MORE

No more excuses, no more food.  I am getting back into the swing of things.  I am fasting today.  I am not going to let myself down.  “A contest against myself, that’s my favorite kind!”  ahhaha Monica from friends.  You know, she can be rather thinspirational because she is a cook and skinny and used to be fat.  I know I know it’s just TV but I think it’s great when she says things like “There’s a fat girl inside me that I haven’t fed in years”.  Maria Menunos did it too.  Except in real life, no on TV.  She was a 12 and lost a tons of weight so that she could be in the TV career. 

My thinspriation:

You know, I don’t know about an ultimate goal weight but right now my ultimate goal is to have a ladder, like the one on this chick. 

EDIT – Intake so far

B – None

L – None

S – A honey packet.  Some water.  I need to drink more water but I don’t really have any.

D – Veggies and water.  Not a bad way to break a fast.

S – about 150 cals of dark chocolate, a small piece of cake.  Well, I just think it could have been worse and if that was the only thing that really counted for my eating today I don’t mind.  I purposely didn’t take any pills today but will tomorrow.

E – I went for a half hour walk (around a mile) and then did crunches and such for about 5 minutes.  I love working out.  Tomorrow I might do yoga.

I have decided I am in love with Natalie Portman’s charecter from Closer.  I want to be her when I grow up.  But instead I am going to be a christian.  I guess I will be the christian version or something.

130.6

I am not very happy about that. 

I remembered a few things today, and figured out a few more. 

1. I am a social eater.  When I am around people I get hungry.  I think it is because they get hungry.  I am going to stop doing that.

2. When I don’t sleep I get hungry.  The whole not getting 8 hours of sleep in 72 hours kinda kills you and starts up your apatite.  I am trying to switch rooms but if I even can it won’t happen until next week. 

3. Taking 3 zantrax in the morning will make you feel like shit on top of being extreamly tired.

4. I need to stop being fat before I got to Virginia Beach for spring break.  Yeah, Mom said she would pay.  That means I gotta start actually working toward this.  I have something to work out for.  The abs and ass to pull off my new swim suits.

Thanks for the comments girls, stay strong.  It’s hard (notice me) but we can do it.  At least we can try.  I have to eat tomorrow, but starting thursday it is restriction central.  Because people are all about now I can’t lie about eating as easily.  I will figure out something I guess.  For now I have a headache and need sleep.  My roommate was up rustleing things and watching a movie all night last night.  Literally all night.  No sleep in this room, that would be wrong!  Ick.

I have been hanging out with Holly and Elise all today and with them we act like starving college students.  I feel gross.

Tomorrow I fruit and veggie it.  And maybe even weigh it.  In the morning if the roomie is asleep.  She isn’t thinspiration but there are others around. 

I feel gross.  I need sleep.  I will comment ya’ll tomorrow.  First I have to go to class, the health center, and the pizza place to see if I can get a job.  I need moneys if I’m going to Virginia Beach with Elise and Holly for spring break.

I just took a shower and I am so disgiusted with myself.  Maybe just no food tomorrow.

Again, everyone is so great with commenting.  I will comment you ALL tomorrow, but tonight I need rest.  Much Love.

My day started out so good and it ended so bad.  Oh Lord, please give me strength.  I ate so much, and I’m eating again tomorrow.  I think I will eat tomorrow, take xantrax and such, then on tuesday fast and take the pills.  Then wednesday night I will be eating.  I think I can do that.

My new room mate is back and it’s so wierd.  She doesn’t speak great english and I just don’t want to like not get along or whatever.  And I don’t want her to think I’m crazy because of my obsession about my weight.  I will just do things when she isn’t around, she has class at 9 tomorrow morning and mine isn’t until 10, but I’m getting breakfast at 9.15 so I am going to check out the book situation before that.  I might not get a chance to weigh myself until tuesday morning.  I don’t weigh myself during the day or night, only when I first wake up after I pee. 

Speaking of the bathroom…I swear I have a bashful bowel syndrome, because for me it is the hardest thing to go when I know people could walk in at any time and hear me.  I mean, who thought of public bathrooms to begin with and why did they have to?  I think I’m going to need a stronger laxative, because I get stopped up.  But I can’t have something that will make me implode/explode.  And it has to be something cheap.  I might have to wait to do any of this shopping until I’m at home and C can take me.  I will get money from the rents and we can go to p-town or something.  I am just so afraid that I will screw myself over with eating.  AHHH I don’t want to! 

I am in love with everyone who leaves comments, you are all so sweet.  I will go comment tomorrow because I have to go to bed tonight but thank you ever so much!