127.6

Mhhh…I think that working out for two weeks and not eating then having my period and eating a bit and taking pills all the while is working for me.  I don’t know.  I just want to keep this happening cus that is like 5 pounds in a month.  I was looking at my past entries and I’ve only lost 5 pounds since the begginning of december.  I need to get better at this. Or keep being better at this. 

Last night my friend (the one who is male and has a crush on me) told me he is worried about me.  Straight up worried because he sees patterns in me of the negative sort, and he couldn’t place what he thinks is going on but he wants me to tell him.  So I didn’t.  I told him yes, I have an outlet for it (xanga), yes there is someone who has been here before that I can talk to about it (C) and no God doesn’t like what I’m doing but I am doing it anyway.  He wants to make sure I’m going to be ok, and all I can think is yeah first of I’m still pretty darn fat so I don’t think I have any conditions arising, second I would know if I did and I would try to get healthier, third yeah, motherfucker, I’m fine.

New Layout.  Thoughts?

128.6

So far so fasting.  Reward?  Good idea.  I think I will admire my bones.  Honestly, I don’t know how to reward myself because the reward for me will be being thin.  Seeing those bones pop out.  People noticing.  I think that will be enough. 

I haven’t seen Him yet, and I hope he can be a reward. 

EDIT – Oh and then I ate.  Oops.  But I took a zantrax this morning.  Hopefully it won’t be too bad.  I didn’t eat alot. 

Mmmmm I ate more.   I feel kind of bad about that.  But also I took more pills and shnikey.  And I am fasting tomorrow. 

Everyone is coming back for classes and it’s wierd.  Like my neighbor who is kind mean.  I’m just hoping that they all leave me alone for the most part.

129.2

And I might be eating something in class today so I’m going to take some zantrax and get to work on my finals.  Update later.  Everyone is too wonderful by commenting.  It makes my day.

EDIT – Well, I ate a sandwich.  I don’t know how many calories, I’m thinking something like 200 for the bread, 110 for the cheese, I just calculated about 35 for the meat, and a piece of lettuce which I don’t think has many at all, so that makes for around 350 calories for the sandwich, then I took green tea/powerg/fiber before hand so that I wouldn’t feel so bad about eating an entire sandwich.

Today ends January Term.  Now everyone is filtering in and I want them to go away. 

EDIT AGAIN! – And I went on a walk.  I found out by driving with a friend and clocking it that my walk route (a to b to c to a) from a to b is .6 miles, and b to c is just a cross road thing, and c to a is roughly the same as a to b.  So to sort all this out the fact is it’s a little over a mile.  That makes me feel a bit good about walking.  Like hey I walk a mile sometimes just for exercise.  Yeah I am wierd. 

I was thinking about how people are like “Anorexia is serious and you shouldn’t want it”.  I think that they have a good point and all, but telling people that online in a harsh way is not going to help.  It just makes those people feel even more rejected and sad, like they can’t even be accepted for who they are when they don’t have to show their apperance.  That is not how to handle the situation.  Plus, for alot of girls they need to find out what they will do not from being told but from figuring it out themselves. 

That is just my ponder of the day.

Thank you for all of the comments on the pictures. 

129.5 today.  That is the lowest I have ever been.  I am so close! 

breakfast – Hunny Nut Cheerios, 110 calories

pills – Apple Cider Vinager Diet Pills, Green Tea, Power G

I have so much school work to do today it’s not even funny.  But first I will go comment because you need to have priorities.

EDIT –

pills – same as above

D – Granola bar – 180

Frosted Chex – 110

Pudding Pack – 100

That makes today’s total 500 I believe.  Wow, that’s alot.  I’m going to do better tomorrow.  For some reason today I’m just really hungry.  I think I slept too much.