See, it is 8.20 am and I am so not going for a walk today.  Because now it’s snowing like crazy.  I jinxed it. 

I want to like post a schedual of what I will do this week but at the same time I’m so bad at following scheduals.  As soon as they are down I’m like no I’m not going to do that.

Monday – Wake up at 8, have a half a granola bar, go for walk, come back, do yoga or do poetry, take shower, go to class, work on school, buy sleep meds?

Tuesday – Same thing

Wednesday – Wake up at 8, have small breakfast, go for walk, dye hair blonder, do poetry, go to class, do more schoolwork, One tree hill and project runway with Holly.

Thursday – Day off so I dunno yet.

Friday – School work like all day I will be cramming.  It will suck.  Last class for Poetry Workshop and final due for Western Civilizations.  Ick.

I can’t sleep and it’s almost 3.  I have to wake up in 5 hours!  Yeah that sucks.  I need to buy some sleeping things.  Like pills or nyquil.  I just want to go to sleep.  Like half my posts on here are half full of me just saying I want to go to sleep.  I’m sorry.  But I really want to go to sleep.  ACHK.

I weighed myself this morning and was 130 right on the dot.  I figure, that’s pretty good because I didn’t gain alot and I can get back into the 120’s in no time.  So then I went out to lunch with my mom and brother and it was good and I ate alot and feel sort of bad about that.  Then I come back to my dorm and they leave and I go to the bathroom and I got my period!  So that explains why I feel like crap all the time this week and haven’t lost anymore!  Plus it’s pretty darn great that I’m only at 130 when I’m on my period when usually it’s WAY more.  I am just so relieved!

Plus my mom bought me new blonde dye for my hair so I can retouch for next week when everyone comes back to school, and she got me the new Allure magazine (must for make-up mavens like myself) AND she brought up 2 of my new bathing suits.  Yeah baby!  I will try them on next week when I feel a little less like crap. 

Thank you girls for the support, I will comment on ya’ll when either I can or you have new entries.  I don’t like commenting on the same one twice.  Dunno why. 

So it’s 1 in the morning so I don’t feel bad about updating.  I was being a little superstisious and was like ‘I’ll jinx myself if I say I’m fasting!’ but now I did fast and I can’t eat because I’m so tired that I just want to go to bed and food will waken my self.  I didn’t eat from friday night till now and I am going to eat tomorrow afternoon I believe.  I think I did pretty well.  Still haven’t weighed myself and I think I am going to wait till monday morning so that I can just pee and jump on the scale.  I’m hoping that I didn’t gain anything and that is pretty much it.  I just don’t want to be all up in there again. 

I’m getting wierd cramps, does anyone else get wierd cramps like in their ribs when they fast?  Oh yeah and I took 2 zantrax 3 this afternoon when I woke up.  Yes, this afternoon.  I was asleep until 3. 

I think that useing my retainer helps with my wanting to put things in my mouth.  Plus I kinda suck on it.  It’s like an oral fixation.

I went for a walk today about 25 minutes which is good because otherwise I was inside watching the OC or Friends.  It was a really nice walk too, nice weather and all sunny and I talked to God a bit and you know we have a few things to work out because He doesn’t like this whole body obsession.  He thinks I should try to be like Him and I’m all for that but I want to get this all out of my system if that makes sense.  Like if I don’t go hard core everything will still be inside me and I will always have to fight it.  I would rather just go extreamly into it for a year or two (God willing He let me live that long) and then be done and have a great thing.  You know how some people go through stuff and have things that they know all about and they can teach you not to do from personal experiance?  Well I don’t have one aside from growing up in a home that fractured then broke, and I am doing this so I guess it will be my thing.  This being my eating disorder.  Wow, never typed it before.  I have an eating disorder.  Maybe not anorexia, but def. something disordered about my eating habits.

If you read that I love you and tell me and I will make you something.  Yeah.  And I will comment on everyone tomorrow evening.  Lots of love.  Stay focused, think thin.

❤ M

desirebella25 tagged me!

Rules: The first player of this game starts with the topic “Five things you hate (pet peeves).” and the people who get tagged need to write a xanga entry about their five pet peeves as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and list their xanga usernames. Don’t forget to write a comment saying “you’re tagged” on their xanga, and tell them to read yours. No double tagging.

1. I absolutely hate when I am woken up before I have to wake up.  It’s hard enough to fall asleep.

2. When people make out in front of me.

3. Gossip.

4. People that think they know everything, won’t let you tell them anything otherwise, and have to tell you a million times that they are right AND that they aren’t trying to push their opinions on you. 

5. I’m fat.

I tag..
Zevx

FatCountryGrl

make_me_perfectx3

dyingtobepure23

daddysXlittleXprincess