Ich Bin Dur Mann: I win
CaptainOats xO: hmm and this is the part where I win
CaptainOats xO: because unlike you
CaptainOats xO: i just did 64 leg lifts
CaptainOats xO: I win
Ich Bin Dur Mann: but unlike you
Ich Bin Dur Mann: I don’t have to
Ich Bin Dur Mann: so I win
Ich Bin Dur Mann: AND THAT’S NOT A FAT JOKE

I know it’s not a fat joke but it kinda tipped me right over the edge and I’m thuroughly not happy and I am very much missing Aron Gahagan who I seem to miss alot these days.  I haven’t seen him in so long I don’t know why I bother thinking about him at all.

I am not in love with this man, we just had a really good friendship.  And I haven’t heard from him in months.

So I’m back down to 130, it was a little higher yesterday because of all the foodage.  I’m going to fast today and hopefully that will help.

I haven’t been able to go and comment to everyone because last night I couldn’t sleep so I took a nice hot shower and then went to bed and slept from 2-12.  I need to fix this.  Buy some sleeping stuff. 

EDIT – I am putting off my poetry stuff by doing THIS!  Ahhhh.  So today’s intake…

B – None

L – None

Linner – Half a Peanut Butter sandwich, 150 cals (not alot of peanut butter)

Soup, 220 cals

4 pieces of chocolate, roughly 227 cals

P – 4 Green Tea, 2 Power G

E – 20 minute walk in the cold

Gotta say, I’m not quite so impressed with the whole debate over green tea pills and green tea because of caffine.  I don’t think I’m prepared to get addicted to something like that, I just go for green tea pills for health benefits.  I already have an unhealthy addiction, and that’s chocolate.

Thank you Everyone for the awesome comments on getting to sleep!  I wish I could take a bath but there is no tub at my dorm.  I would have taken a nice warm shower but guess what the problem was?

THERE WAS NO HEAT IN MY DORM.

Yeah, like on my entire side in all 5 buildings no one had any heat.  Biatches.

Anyway, today was so not good.

B – Nothing

L – Wild Bill Cheese Burger with French Fried Potatoes (really kinda just sliced and baked potatoes) then Chocolate Mouse Cake.

S – So far? Probubly 12 pieces of chocolate.

Pills – 1 zantrax 3, 4 Fiber.

I went out to lunch with Dad and I ate like a starving college student.  He always days something if I don’t eat like normal.  “What you on a diet now or something?”  “Yes.”  “WHY?”  So I just eat around him.  I love him so very much, I’m his little girl.  We were at a restaurant over vacation and one of his colleagues came over to say hi and was saying how dad brags about me and how proud he was.  Breaks my heart that I can’t be perfect for him.  Maybe when I’m thin?

I’ve decided to try to keep the pills to a minimum, like only take one kind a day so I don’t overload my system.  I want my body to always be like ‘what? wait I gotta do that now!’ Instead of ‘Oh it’s just zantrax.  Whatev.’  So my new plan is to survive off pills water and as of today and my mother sending me chocolate, chocolate.  And exercise, which I will do tomorrow because today I have no energy and alot of poetry revision to do. 

I will go around and comment (again) later when I take another study break.

It is 4.30 in the morning and I cannot sleep.  I’m freezing and I’m tired and I have a lunch date with my father tomorrow at 11.30.  That gives me not enough time to sleep.

All I can think of is how great being hungry is and how dumb I am for having eaten anything today and how excited I am to be able to wear a bikini this year and how I’m going to keep working out tomorrow and the next million and a half days.

I just want to sleep, is that too much to ask? 

Ok someone please tell me what this means: