Dirty Sean

It is 4.30 in the morning and I cannot sleep.  I’m freezing and I’m tired and I have a lunch date with my father tomorrow at 11.30.  That gives me not enough time to sleep.

All I can think of is how great being hungry is and how dumb I am for having eaten anything today and how excited I am to be able to wear a bikini this year and how I’m going to keep working out tomorrow and the next million and a half days.

I just want to sleep, is that too much to ask? 

Ok someone please tell me what this means:

Here is a random question :

Where do you get information on food, such as calories and negative calories?  I’m not as big of a nerd as I should be and I figure if I know what food is good then I can eat more of it and less of the bad and then you hunger for what you feed on and then I can get hungry for harmless things like apples more often.

More of an update later, I’m gonna work out damn it.

So today is a day that I am allowing myself to eat on, but I’m not feeling all that hot and I believe that making food would take way too much effort.  So I might just fast today out of laziness. 

I had to take nyquil last night to go to bed at what 3.45 in the am.  Now I’m almost out of nyquil and I won’t have a way to go to bed tonight. 

I want people to send me mail so that I’m happy.  Because mail makes me happy. 

129.7 first thing this morning.  Now I’m drinking water so it won’t count.

I haven’t worked out and I just keep thinking wow my body is gross except for my colar bone these days because my chest is just flat and I kinda like it.  I think it’s cool.

This is just absolutley the most pointless thing I’ve ever written.  So it’s ending.

Alright so I have not eaten for a little over 24 hours now.  Tomorrow is going to be an eating day and then I am going to try to work out every day during the week.

I am watching Wedding Crashers and it’s so fricken funny.  I love this movie.  And I want to be Rachel McAdams.  And Owen Wilson is so cute.  I am in lurve.

All I keep seeing is skinny people and I have realized that my issue is my thighs and hips.  It’s horrible because it’s a genetic thing.  Wide set hips, bones and everything, and big thighs.  They are getting better but I still gotta do more. 

OMG it’s the breakfast scene and I am hungry I will tell you what.  Not that I will eat. 

Holly says that there is an America’s Next Top Model marathon on tomorrow that we are going to watch.  I’m pretty phyced because it’s thinspiration all the times and she doesn’t even have a clue.