Dirty Sean

I am back at the dorm and so much happier.

My room is a mess though.  I will clean in after class while I put off doing my western civ. homework.  haha. 

Weighed in this morning at 132.9.  That is about 2 pound from where I was before I left for home, so I’m not extreamly dissapointed.  I took me pills and I drank some water and other than that I slept alot today so I’m not really hungry.  Ok, gotta get ready for class.  Later I will work out. 

Thanks for all the comments girls, it helps alot alot.  Plus, I always comment back!

EDIT – Well, I haven’t eaten today.  I had a honey packet, but it didn’t stop my stomach from growling very loudly in the middle of the poetry workshop.  It was v. embaressing.  Oh well.  Just have to get used to being hungry again.

Now I need to go write poetry and crap.  Jeepers.  Or shower.

EDIT AGAIN! – Still haven’t done the poetry.  Oh boy I’m tired.  I did shower though.  And I lost a pound.  So I’m pretty happy.  Still haven’t eaten.  I’m pretty proud of myself.  I need to sleep so I can work out tomorrow.  Haven’t done that in a while. 

Oh yeah, I hope everyone likes my new layout.  I do.

My Mom ordered me this bikini, and I think she also got me this one.  I am so excited!  Talk about thinspiration!!

I think I am taking the weekend off.  I know it could ruin everything I’ve done this week, but I need to stop worrying about my body for two days and focus on my family because I won’t see them for a while.  I’m going to eat.  I will exercise.  I will take a few pills.  When I get to school I will be able to concentrate on just school work and my body, but until then I need to have other things on my mind. 

I need support in this because I am having such a bad night.  I feel like a failure.  Lindsay Lohan wouldn’t do this, would she?  Maybe she would.  I don’t know.  I’m tired of thinking but I can’t sleep. 

Well, I didn’t wake up to work out because I went to bed around 2 and 6 hours is not good enough for me.

I will work out later.  And thank you everyone who left me comments.  I won’t throw up.  It is just too gross.  The thought of throwing up makes me feel like gagging.  If that makes sense.  I will do it the pretty way. 

EDIT – Intake today

B – Slept through

L – A roll, 190 cals

D – Kashi Go Lean, 110 cals

Exercise – 100 cals burned on tread-mill

I got really tired and really stressed today so I didn’t work out as much.  I didn’t eat alot though, which is good.  I did drink alot of water.  I took some of the pills.  No worries.

I like it too…The Pretty Way.

I sometimes think that maybe I should just accept my body the way it is.  Then I remember things like my mother saying that I looked better when I was 5 pounds lighter, even though I haven’t lost that 5 pounds yet.  Ok Mom, this 5 pounds is for you.  Hope you like them. 

The more I think about the Lindsay Lohan bulimia thing the more I feel like throwing up.  I don’t like throwing up at all.  That is the only reason I don’t do it.  Like I really really hate throwing up. 

I might go out to eat with a friend tomorrow.  I will exercise all morning first though.  I’m really excited about that.  I’m tired.  I think the Zantrax did give me some energy, and that is good because now I’m tired at a normal time.  Maybe I can sleep.  Yay for sleep!

My mom is buying me 2 bikinis and a dress thing from Victoria’s Secret’s sale catalog.  They are really cute, I wanted them last year but didn’t have enough money for the original price.  One is a halter and has a red paisley type of print, the other is a string bikini with ruffles in a few places.  Really cute because it’s solid colors instead of all overly girly so the ruffles are understated.  I’m getting it in baby blue.  Or maybe I will pick pink.  Or maybe black like Lindsay Lohan!  I’m so excited!  Def. thinspiration.  I may just take them to my dorm when they are in and put them on the wall so I can constantly look and see what I’m aiming for.  Or I will just take the pictures of them and put them on the wall.  Yeah, that’s not quite as conspicuos.