I would like to vent a little bit.


I have been noticeing that some people are not very nice on xanga toward people they believe are not ‘truely anorexic’.  This is my personal disclaimer.


I never said I was anorexic.  I probubly have an EDNOS but thing is I don’t like to classify myself as something because I will probubly never live up to someone else’s standards.  Here is my deal, I want to lose weight and I will do just about anything to do so except purge.  I don’t binge, but I feel like a failure when I eat like a normal person.  I take diet pills, and I find that when I work out I look and feel better.  I can’t always get away with just not eating, around friends or family, but when I fast I feel way better than normal. 


As for how long I’ve been doing this, I have always felt like I needed to lose weight.  Always.  Even when I was a little girl.  I still do.  I didn’t get really into doing all of this until my senior year of high school because I always felt like I would be a faker if I tried to not eat.  I ended up getting to the place in my life where my body is something that I can control and it can cause me to be happy or to be upset, and I would rather at least feel like at some point it will make me happy.  Also a good friend of mine (who didn’t pressure me or try to ‘give me her disease’) helped me sort out what I was feeling and get a start.  I haven’t been on xanga for a long time, really only about a month because my friend introduced me to it, but that shouldn’t mean that I haven’t had a history with all of this.


I realize that some people are going to say ‘if you don’t have to be like this then don’t be’, but the thing is I don’t have to listen to you either.  I don’t have to do many things and it’s my choice to live like I do.  I try to keep health enough, and I’ve actually not been sick so far this year which is different because I usually get sick all the time (colds, flu, sinus infections). 


I think the point I’m trying to make is that I don’t feel the need to validate what I’m doing to anyone, and before anyone asks me to I would like to tell them politely that I won’t do it.  I won’t justify what I do to someone else because they think I shouldn’t be doing it.  Life doesn’t work that way.  Tough shit.


I hope that makes sense, and if it doesn’t than ask me a question and I will explain.