1. I don’t understand why girls that smoke a lot of pot always get cats.  I’m going to take a guess and say it’s because they need animals that they don’t always need to take care of.  When Max was a puppy I was very watchful of him because I had to train him to not do certain things, but with a kitten you just try to keep it out of the oven.  And they don’t necessarily need feeding schedules, so that works for the pot head chick that accidentally got a little too high and decided to let her best male friend’s roommate feel her up, then feel horrible about it because she’s really in love with her best male friend because he’s got a tattoo on his hand and likes to smoke cigarettes and not brush his teeth which is really manly, so she makes up something (maybe about being scared because she’s really high or maybe tell him about the time her uncle took her picture when she was in a school play but he had a weird look on his face so obviously he was thinking inappropriate thoughts) so that he’ll take care of her and they can snuggle the night away, maybe smoke a little more since he’s a drug dealer and has all the good weed anyway.
  2. I’m actually really concerned about the people who have been so upset about the weather being cold.  I’m a little enraged in fact that no one seems to be giving them the attention they deserve!  They live in New England and obviously this cold front has caught them off guard, and someone needs to help them!  It’s not every day that all the people who live in your area join the nudist revolution during the winter, and I for one refuse to let them sit around and think their skin is thick enough to keep them….. Wait, they aren’t nudist?  Then someone tell them to put on a fucking sweater and shut up.
  3. When I wake up in the morning I look at my cell to find out what time it is immediately because it’s always a toss-up on whether I awaken before noon or not.  This means that when someone comes in to tell me what time it is, I already know.  So they can stop doing that.  In fact, it would be a good idea not to talk to me until after I’ve had breakfast.  It’s just the safest bet for everyone.
  4. Since I have officially graduated from not only high school but college as well I feel that I no longer have to take tests unless I want to.  Especially when they are really not applicable to the subject that they are supposedly on.  Or when they just don’t make sense.  Also, there are certain things I won’t agree to be tested on, such as my knowledge of Harry Potter, a friendship, hair and make-up skills, creeping habits on the internet, and basic movie knowledge.  If I’m not in the Cash Cab I don’t want to jump through any hoops, especially without the promise of money.
  5. I wake up at 8am, then rolled over and fell back asleep.  I think this is the problem with winter weather, when you wake up and it’s so nice and cozy in your bed you think that any sort of repercussions for not getting out of bed are completely worth while.  No time for a shower?  It’s fine, this is the best bed in the entire world and I will hold fast to this extra time to enjoy it.  So then I wake up at 9am and roll over and think about how much I love my comforter.  Then I fall back asleep and dream about waking up before noon.  It’s a vicious cycle, but it’s one I have the courage to deal with on a daily basis.
  6. This Just In:  If you are renting a room in someone elses house and they have on demand movies ALWAYS let them know if you chose to rent 7 or so XXX rated movies at $18 a pop.  Because after all the yelling about the cable bill while you’re at work, we’ll still realize that the dates correspond with the dates we were out-of-town, and Pops will be ready to bend you over and help you discover a new asshole.