I haven’t updated in a while because I haven’t been writing. It’s not what I prefer, but life has been a little bit in the way, and not always in a bad way.
The past month or so has been full. I’ve been learning so much about how to let God move, as opposed to planning and trying to figure things out myself. In allowing him to guide me, by “going with the flow”, I have gained and lost friends, prayed hard and not at all, and found myself realizing the blessings of his beautiful plans in new ways. I’ve found that I have faith in something that isn’t always pleasing in the moment, but brings joy to my heart when it’s on the verge of distress: our lives, our stories are written by the heavenly father and he has a perfect ending to each, so perfect that were I to try to write it myself it would be a mockery of his magnificent ways.
Last week a good woman died. A friend’s mother, a wonder and inspiration to everyone that knew her. She walked her path trusting the Lord for his plan, and I believe that through every moment of her suffering her spirit was being held close to his heart.
This woman, who I refered to as Bad Ass even when she was at her worst, was the wife of a good man and the mother of 6 amazing boys. Obviously I had to e-mail her (this happened almost 7 months ago) and ask her about a few things. The responses were direct and interesting, but more than that they were helpful in their instruction and wisdom. When she wrote about her husband and their relationship I was floored.
I was looking for a man who would encourage and challenge my faith. That would keep me on track since I knew that I wasn’t strong enough in myself to do what I knew was right. I know that may sound like a weakness, but it really isn’t. God wants us to strengthen and encourage one another and He puts us together with those who will make us into the person He wants us to be.
I have told my closest friends at times about how I will need to have a husband that will allow me to be me but know when to put my in my place. I had no idea that these were things someone else had ever felt or considered important in their mates, and I immediately understood exactly what she was saying and that it’s true: God wants us to be with those that will help us turn into the people he wants us to be. It makes complete sense to not be unequally yoked; one would hinder the other.
She also encouraged me to read the Bible, and I took her advice on reading with breakfast. I still do.
I made a commitment at that time not to have breakfast if I hadn’t read my Bible. Now, some of the time that wasn’t that effective because I wasn’t a big breakfast eater anyway, but I did read my Bible. The way I figured if I had read it, God could recall any of it from my memory. If I’d never read it, He would have a more difficult time speaking to me. It is important to do it as soon as possible in the day.
After hearing so many beautiful and funny stories of this woman at her memorial service, ranging from her youth to days before her release from the shell of her body, I felt more and more that she had completed not only her own goals for her life, but also the goals Christ had in store for her.
You know not having any girls, I have given lots of thought to what I wish I had done. Since I dedicated my life to Christ at a Young Life Camp I’ve been yearning to become a back to the Bible kind of woman. I’m always looking for ways to become more of a Proverbs 31 woman.
I can say, with all my heart and sincerity, that she was a woman who fit into each verse of the psalm. When planning the memorial her family had discussed what legacy she had left behind, and how her stories and her life would promote the gospel truth. I agree, it surely will. But I also have found such inspiration in her life and knowing her spirit that I find myself praying that this thread of her legacy, the one of a woman’s heart longing to ever be the submissive bride of God, will be seen in my life.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates. (Psalm 31:25-31)