I have discovered that Riteaid is one of the most depressing places in the world and that for some reason their lack of pricing make-up products will make me buy them. There’s no reason to spend my money on make-up but I did. Do I feel that now, finally, after having acquired the perfect colors and products, after having spent far too much time applying and blending, smoothing and powdering, that now I am beautiful? No. I feel just as empty and ugly as I did before hand.
I have been having incredible writer’s block. The only things I can think about are the things that I shouldn’t bother writing about because they are unedifying even to me. That’s pretty bad! My choice to push myself to write something substantial reminds me of the cold hard truth.
The heart is deceitful above all things & beyond cure.
Who can understand it? – Jeremiah 17:9
Just because I’m saved and cleansed in the sight of God through the blood of Jesus Christ doesn’t mean I’m perfect. It means that there has been a good work begun in me, one that will last for the rest of eternity.
I’ve been feeling anger and bitterness a lot lately. I’ve been unable to do much that is productive. I’ve been trying to wait on the Lord and I’ve been hearing so much noise about how things need to be done immediately that I get frustrated and properly pissed off. And all I have been wanting to do is wait on the Lord. But even when I have the opportunity I find ways to fill my time with vanity.
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. – Isaiah 40:31
So I’m going to be proactive and change this pattern. I’m going to push until I break. I’m going to start trying to live the life I’ve been wishing I have. And this is something I need to do before I move and start school in a little over a month. I want to be certain that I know where to stand and how to act and react before I’m put into another mission field. I’m not prepared as I am today to go, and the time that I’ve been given to spend with God right now is a gift. It’s going to be such a learning experience in so many ways. It’s a new season.
I’m also going to try to get some more blogging accomplished, as well as getting my testimony pulled together. It’ll be a power point presentation.