- Become unemployed. All the free time will make you start projects that you never finish and take up hobbies that you won’t enjoy.
- This one’s a classic for a reason: Binge watch TV either on Netflix or iTunes. There’s no better way to not write something original than to get sucked into your favorite season of Doctor Who, or to finally start watching the episodes you missed of Glee because maybe you can finally handle seeing Finn onscreen again (RIP). It’s really helpful to spend the money on iTunes because you not only don’t write anything for days but you have the reassurance that if you were to travel somewhere on a plane or something you could put a whole season of something on your phone and not be bored the entire flight or ride to your destination.
- Drop your phone, shatter the screen, get a new one with more memory, and download Candy Crush. You’ll discover hours of your life can slip past you.
- If you go out on the town, find yourself in Target, or impulse buy online make sure to use a credit card. It’ll give you that anxiety that leads to looping thoughts of debt and prison and selling virginity on eBay that will make it impossible to write.
- Make sure you’ve told everyone you talk to ever in your whole life that you want to write a book and you’re gonna do it, by golly! Also, make sure there are plenty of people who want to read what you write, so that you become a bit more shut in and worse at keeping in touch. It also leads to your only creative moments in your day, when you are explaining to someone why you actually haven’t been writing.
- Create a new space for your creativity. Either decide to make an office out of a room in your home or to re-do your own room, to such an extent as you can. I chose to “re-do” my room, because a cluttered living space means a cluttered mind! Now I have completed cleaning out 50% of it, stolen metal shelves from the basement, and bought a new desk, all while watching the first season of The Mindy Project. Everything I can’t find a place for is still on my floor.
- This one is so “useful” because it’s something that you really need to do and also a great excuse to do whatever you want aside from writing: Research. I’ve been researching my book, and right now I have a folder of magazine cutouts of clothes I want one of the characters to wear and cannot decide what to name the protagonist. I have also found many online articles that will be helping me with the process but I bookmarked them all because I didn’t have the time to read them.
Dirty Sean 