I had a dream a few nights ago that I believe is a word from God.  This dream is not to be confused with the one I had a few weeks ago in which my friend Lumberjack had shaved his face and the next time I saw him his face was clean-shaven.  That was eerily prophetic.

A man and his friend were getting their mail, they were middle-aged and the man who was getting his mail was a former sinner, the good old-fashioned kind that drank too hard and treated people he loved with anger, lashing out at them.  He has been saved, and was glad to find in the mail a check from someone who had agreed to sponsor his new business venture.  He told his friend that he was going to just have the one sponsor, because while he needed more money he had given the situation over to God and he would work hard to make what he received this month last until next month.  Then he noticed that he had another piece of mail, and it was a check for $10,000, double what his sponsor has agreed to give him a month to help him put together his venture.  He started rejoicing, his friend joining him, thanking God.  Then he found more mail, and I knew that he was receiving more of these checks, which were each spontaneous donations from believers that felt compelled by the spirit to help this man begin a new life by showing him the provision of God.
I was not inside this part of the dream, I was watching with God.  He had taken me to this place to show me what he had given the man.  I was watching and I was cool with the man having a sponsor, but when God started giving him more checks I got self-righteous and judgmental.  I didn’t say it out loud in the dream, because I didn’t want to actually tell God that I didn’t think this man really needed so much money at this time, because he had a past of using his money for things that were… bad.  I thought that maybe it would have been wiser for God to give him installments. 
But God knew exactly what I was thinking, and while he was providing check upon check for this man he was laughing and excited.  He turned to me while the men were rejoicing and said “Don’t you see?  I want to give you what you ask for.  I know this man’s heart, and I trust him with my gifts.  His heart has been cleaned, it is clean while asking me for the ability to create his new business that I gave him the idea for.  I have given him these things and now he knows me.”
In all honesty, I’m not sure if God said these words exactly, but I know it was something close to it that he imprinted on my heart because as I was sliding through the haze towards conscious thought I got this big call in my spirit that said “This is a word from God“.  This woke me up at 3:30am, and since I was tired and lazy I stayed in my sleepiness and prayed and after a few hours fell back asleep.
Thoughts, Revelations, and Why I Believe this was a Word from God:

• I was strongly convicted of the judgment in my heart.  Who am I to ever even think that God is foolish? 
• In being strongly convicted of my sinful heart, I felt his grace during the dream on a large-scale.  It was like understanding that while God knew I felt bad about being sinful in that moment he filled me with the knowledge of his grace for me and spoke what was important into my heart.
• God is the God of second chances, of redemption, of kindness.  And he wants to be all of that for us now.
• Matthew 7 says to recognize whether or not something is healthy by its fruit.  During the time after this dream I have been spending time in the word because I want to know more of God, I have been worshiping, and I have been praying that God does a work in my heart that it will be more like his for people, even the ones that I sinfully cannot find any way to love.
• The dream does convict me, but it also exhorts me to live like this man who I was judgmental towards: putting all hope, all trust, all plans at the foot of the cross and rejoicing in whatever it is that we receive from our Lord.
• 1 John 4:2&3 – “By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God.”   The dream was an illustration of how God not only wants to give us a new life, but we have one because of his son.  The man in my dream had given his heart over to Christ and had turned from his ways of a sinner in order to have the new life promised through the blood. 

Trust in the LORD, and do good;
   dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
 Delight yourself in the LORD,
   and he will give you the desires of your heart.  – Psalm 37:3&4

This verse combined with the story in Luke of the sinful woman who washed the feet of Christ with her tears and her hair assure my spirit that I’m not going completely crazy.  This dream agrees with the scriptures, and speaks to their truth.  It has been a light to the darkness in my heart, shown me the depths of God’s mercy and grace, and how much he wants to give to his children. 

“You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” And he said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”  – Luke 7:46-48

This week our bible study leader went on vacation, and I had to work.  We both missed bible study!  I wasn’t happy about it, in fact I rued the day I picked my job!  But I felt better later with a little TLC from a few very wonderful people, and the kid that got to deliver a message this week gave me the rundown of what he was going to talk about.  This kid (man, dude, dude-man?) is something else, I’ll call him Sailor because he’s got something to do with the Coast Guard or something.  I think.  Sailor is one part opinionated hipster glasses, one part incredible teachings and one part snark, all wrapped up in a ginger.  When he told me about what he’d be teaching on it got me thinking, and so I will give a briefing and my thoughts on the topic.
When Sailor said he was teaching on the tabernacle I looked like…..

And when he said he was using Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and the Song of Solomon to explain a bunch of things I looked like…..

But when he put it all together I got it!  But I digress.
When the Israelites got out of Egypt they were so happy then so hungry then so thirsty then so content then made an idol then nearly got smote a few times.  Somewhere in there God had them build him a tabernacle, a place for his essence to reside with his people.  There was a whole system for it, and I admit I’m no scholar so if I get things wrong please correct me, from the outer courts and sacrifices to the inner court and preparation, then only the priest was allowed in to the holy of holies.  There was a massive amount of tradition, ritual, and other crazy stuff involved, and if the priest had done something incorrectly or was holding back sin in his heart he got straight up smote!  If I grew up with that I would have a pants-wetting problem all the time just remembering God was in that thing. 
When Christ came, saw, and conquered death the Israelites were still using this same system.  The inner courts and the holy of holies was divided by a veil or curtain, but when Christ died he broke the curse that condemned man to a life set apart from God, and the veil-curtain-thingy in the temple got ripped in half.  We no longer need an intermediary in the form of a priest to have communion with God!  Sick, I know.

If he were on earth, he would not be a priest, for there are already men who offer the gifts prescribed by the law.  They serve at a sanctuary that is a copy and shadow of what is in heaven. This is why Moses was warned when he was about to build the tabernacle: “See to it that you make everything according to the pattern shown you on the mountain.”  But the ministry Jesus has received is as superior to theirs as the covenant of which he is mediator is superior to the old one, and it is founded on better promises.  – Hebrews 8:4-6

Yay for good news!  Now let’s back-track a little bit to where I mentioned Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Solomon.  These three books were written to convey certain things to the Israelites through different relationships, all of which we can find in the Lord.

Proverbs was written as a father teaching a son about life, and it represents the outer courts of the temple.  It is what I would call superficial, a surface level book, in that it is about how we conduct our lives as proper people of God.  It completely made sense to me that a father instructing his son on the way to live a Godly life would be tied to the outer courts, because that is where the people are, where the bringing in of sacrifices happened, most of the interacting with each other. 
In my mind the outer courts and Proverbs are tied into crucifying our flesh with Christ. 

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.  – Galatians 5:24

When we are in Christ we are given a new spirit, HIS Spirit, and our actions toward others, the church, God, should reflect the new longing in our hearts to become more and more like our heavenly father.  We find ourselves wanting to do things we know are sinful and turning from them because we have been taught what is right and we don’t want to disappoint the Lord with our actions.

Ecclesiastes, which represents the inner court of the tabernacle, is written as a teacher/pastor to a church.  Ecclesiastes, if you haven’t read it, is full of pondering life and why it’s important and various other things I usually can’t stand, but it also has a lot to say about how life is fleeting and we should enjoy it.  To me, this book feels like guidance of the heart and mind, reminding the Israelites to set their hearts in the right place and to keep their eyes on the ultimate goal as opposed to momentary gains.  The inner courts were a place of preparation, a place where the priest would have to become completely humbled and repentant in his heart in order to move in to the holy of holies.  So I see this book and this area of the tabernacle as being similar in that they are both meant to prepare our hearts for the importance to come, to get us focused and contrite and clean before moving into the intimate place.  A reflection of this relationship is seen not only in Christ Jesus being a teacher and telling really cool parables, but in his gifting of the Holy Spirit.

But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.  – John 14:26

We have a helper/counselor/teacher/reminder with us always that will gently remind or rebuke our hearts in whatever way it does, pointing us towards the ultimate truth of God’s glory being far more important than anything else.

Song of Solomon was written from the point of view of the Beloved.  It is like reading a conversation between a honeymooning couple, full of sweet, sweet love and a whole ton of intimacy between the two.  Tieing it to the holy of holies, that’s where priests had face time with God.  Also, there’s an “of” between two words in each title. 
Why would a book that sounds like a honeymoon be written to convey face time with God?  That’s strange, right?  Not really. 

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.  “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.  – Ephesians 5:25-32

It’s really stupid, but sometimes I feel bad for God because we sinned in the first place and can’t all get legitimate face time right now.  I know he wants it, I know I want it.  But I remember that his time isn’t like ours, and his wisdom makes our geniuses look handi-capable. 
And while I’m done explaining all of this for the most part, I do want to mention why I spent more time on the outer two courts than the inner-most.  I have found that sometimes I get to the holy of holies in prayer time or worship time and I don’t know how I got there.  I understand that Christ completely nullified the need for any courts at all, but I have found that when I am actively trying to keep to the teachings of each court in my own life (Proverbs being my life with others, Ecclesiastes being my life to myself and where I focus my efforts, Song of Solomon being my spiritual life) I feel like I’m actually trying to be a better, new version of myself that Christ says I am.  It doesn’t happen every day, and I would never say that works get you into heaven, but I would rather please my Father with my actions and enjoy life with a true understanding of why I’m here than ignore what has been passed down to me in the Word.  At the same time, I have to be careful about thinking that anything can make me a little more worthy of the mercy I’ve recieved, and when I sin (which is often) I try to remember that only because of my sin can I experience grace that surpasses my understanding. 
And for a cool tabernacle song, check out this tune.

I have come to a realization about myself recently, thanks to some discussions with Tink, and it is that I refuse to put a judgment call on the quality of a day that I am alive for.  There are many dead who would love to be alive for the shit things that happen to good, hardworking people (like some people I know, but this isn’t %100 accurately describing me) and it’s not my right to say what a day is, especially if it’s in a negative way, because I’m alive and God is good.
For instance, the other day was full of interesting and ironic evidentiary support that would have given me the green light to make a quick verdict on its quality.  It all began when I woke up.
My alarm went off three times, as it is likely to do when I set three alarms so that I can convince myself that it’s ok to sleep in some more because I’ll have plenty of time to do what I need when I wake up, I’ll just skip breakfast, or skip a shower, or skip putting on makeup.  What I don’t generally include in the list of skip-ables would be necessities such as brushing my teeth and using the toilet before I leave.  After finally convincing myself that it was important to wake up, even though my body didn’t think it was, I realized I needed to pee in a major way.  Sometimes when I wake up it’s quite imperative for me to use the restroom, and generally things go smoothly, or as smoothly as they can when I stumble into the door frame on the way in, which can almost make me pee myself.  But this morning the door to the bathroom was locked.  I stared at the door handle for a moment in a state of bewilderment, then looked at the light switch, which is the other signal that someone is in the bathroom.  It was turned off.  Now I was not just puzzled, I was irate.  Someone had locked the bathroom door when they left the bathroom?  Who would do that?  Don’t they know?  Don’t they understand that other people have to pee too?
I hurried to the first floor bathroom and while finally draining my tension I realized that if the door really were accidentally locked from the inside there would be a big problem in my day: no access to my toothbrush.  My anxiety level rose a bit, then I calmed myself with a plan: if I can’t get to my toothbrush I go to CVS when I get to Concord and get a travel one and travel toothpaste, till then I have some gum and that’ll help a bit.  This plan did indeed get put into action, as I never managed to get into the bathroom this morning and had to be at work for 8:30am.  I should add that, while it’s a pain to have to buy another toothbrush (or two, it was a two pack) it is a really cool toothbrush!  It folds in on itself, but it’s not ugly and it’s a relatively good size!  When I showed my boss she thought it was really cool too, and I’m going to end up stashing one with my initials on it at work when I figure out where to put it so it doesn’t get used.
My work went well, I got to make a pretty sick display showing off our Saint Patrick’s day Irish Car Bomb kits, and my boss really liked it.  Then around 10am I got a call from my building’s manager asking me about the rent.  See, my boss was sick and busy and didn’t get the paychecks done yesterday, so I got paid today.  But rent was due yesterday and I forgot to call my property manager to tell him I’d be a little late.  I assured him that he would have the rent and half-security deposit owed by the evening and he was all set.  Then, about an hour later, I got call at work, as in the call was on my work’s phone.  The woman who owns the building asked me about the rent and security deposit owed because she and her husband are living in Florida and live off the rent money, and because I was late with mine they were not going to eat that day, their phone was going to be turned off and they were going to be kicked out of where they were, etc.  I told her I had talked to the property manager, and she asked me if I could overnight her the check for rent and security deposit owed.  I said sure, and that was that.  Shortly after hanging up the phone I realized that I didn’t have my checkbook on me, and that getting out of work at 4pm would make it hard to get to the post office in time for an overnight check when the train to take me home to get my check book and the train to get me back to Concord were almost 2 hours apart.  That wouldn’t even get me to the bank!  My immediate reaction was extreme anxiety, the kind that makes me pretty much useless.  I decided I’d have to leave work early, and was in panic mode until the paychecks arrived, then talked to my coworkers and realized that if I left early they would be short a person and everything would be shot to hell!  So I made a smart decision: I called Pilot.  I had a feeling he wouldn’t be up to much, and sure enough he wasn’t!  He agreed to help me out by driving me to and fro for my errands, which calmed me a bit and saved my ass from a major problem.
In the midst of this upheaval, I started praying.  It was a weird prayer progression, seeing as it went something like this: “Really, God?  Really? Ok.  I’m stressed!  Help me!  I know you might not do something to make the situation change, but can’t you just make me a non-stressor-type person?  Please?  Ok, help me already?  … God, give me strength.  God give me peace and calm.  God, help me.”
I tried to think of some verses to calm myself like I was doing a few weeks ago but I couldn’t think of one entirely.  It was really weird, I would try to think one to myself and it would go something like “God gives us peace… no wait, it was Peace I give you, my peace I give, no wait, it was My peace I leave with … ” followed by a weird fade out to a black abyss of stress.  When I called Pilot I asked God that my decision to call him was one that was in His plan and not just a human choice trying to make things work correctly.  And I don’t know for sure, but it seemed to be more of a God-plan thing, since I got all my errands done on time and didn’t have to leave work early, and afterwards I spent some time with Pilot and had some food and went into a delirium and I think that I cheer him up sometimes.  I know that getting him to enjoy himself made me enjoy myself, which balanced out the day really well.
Back to the display I did for work: I spent a good amount of time making the signs for the window, in the process getting ink-chalk all over my hands which made my coworker ask if I were bruised or had a disease, and I used crates and packing hay to make the kits look as though they were a shipment from somewhere seedy.  When I put together the Irish Car Bomb kits I used wire to bind the booze, then to make little shamrocks.  It was fairly easy for me, but what took me 10 minutes took the boys that put the rest of the kits together an hour.  My boss was super happy with it, my coworkers thought it was great, and yet!  The first comment I got on it was negative.
A guy was buying two of the beers that we used in the kits, and I asked “Oh, not a fan of Irish Car Bombs?”
Silence.
“What?”
He stared at me.  I fidgeted.  Gestured in the direction of the display.
“Irish Car Bombs?”
“That’s not funny.  I have friends that died from those.”
I heard a pin drop onto a feather mattress.
“They still serve them in bars.”
I had no idea that crickets were outside during this hour!
“I didn’t mean to offend…”
“It’s fine.”
I bagged his groceries and he was on his way, no words to be spoken to me again.  I honestly feel that these situations are more likely to happen on a day when I’m feeling overwhelmed, the days when everything is coming at me, just to kick me when I’m down.  The good news is that his comment didn’t affect the display, and we sold most of the kits.
Notice, with each of these stories there is a plus side at the end.  I realized, even in my stressed out and dizzy mind at the time that these things were inconsequential when it came to how I should be feeling, and I ended up laughing a fair amount that day.  A verse came to mind while I was writing this, and I didn’t even realize it was a real verse until I looked it up.

Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”  – Nehemiah 8:10

The joy of the Lord is our strength?  What does that even MEAN?

Joy – The emotion evoked by well-being, success, or by the prospect of possessing what one desires

The well-being of God is secure, he is all-powerful.
The success of God is evident, immediate, and yet to come, seeing as he wins all over the place now in our lives and in the future will play out the finale in epic strides.
The prospect of possessing what God desires is fulfilled and yet left wanting, because he desires us.

Strength – Capacity for exertion or endurance, power to resist force, power of resisting attack

So our ability to keep our hearts humble, our ability to keep our voices lifted in praise, our ability to resist temptation, our ability to heed to God’s discipline; the strength needed is to be found in the Lord’s joy, which is in himself, his works, and his desire to be close to his people.
This is my new favorite mantra.  The last one was John 14:27, which reminded me in the midst of an anxious and stressful time that the peace of Christ Jesus is his gift to us, to me.  Now I am trying to constantly remember, on the days that friends let me down and break my heart, on the days when I haven’t gotten enough sleep, when I’m really bored with praying for the same things over and over because I don’t know what else to say about them and nothing is happening, on the Sundays that I can’t get to church because I have to work, during visits with family that end in me making my mother cry, when I don’t want to read the bible because I’m more interested in doing anything else, when I’m super jealous of the rich snobby girl who gets to own two Rebecca Minkoff purses and a wallet, when I really miss my dog: The joy of the Lord is my strength.  I can get through none of these things on my own, and the more I steep myself in his presence the more I choose his joy over my emotions.  And let me tell you, his joy is better than my emotions, especially since they are usually sinful.  And in the same way that getting into the prayer habit has reduced my stress and anxiety over silly things, getting into the joy of the Lord gives me the ability to keep on truckin’.

I’ve been playing connect the dots with bible verses.  I hope that the conclusions I’m drawing will make as much sense to anyone that reads this as it does to me.

Let’s start with what I mentioned in my last post.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  – Philippians 4:6-7

These verses explain something that is brilliant and often forgotten, especially by those of us who were raised in the church: through prayer, our ever evolving conversation with God, we gain peace that guards our hearts and minds.  Simple enough, and an incredible reason to pray more often, especially since guarding our hearts is a big deal:

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.  – Proverbs 4:23

Oh snap!  Our hearts are the wellspring of life, and other translations also say that everything you do flows from it, that out of it are the issues of life.  It makes sense, no matter how you look at it, since our hearts are what bring about just about everything that we do.  If we want something, if we love someone, if we hate someone, if we’re afraid, if we’re filled with joy; all of these things are centered in the heart.  But there are issues to be had with our hearts, since we are all incredibly sinful.  Each of us has a dark, seeping, oozing heart.

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?  – Jeremiah 17:9

What a crap-shoot.  Our wellsprings of life, that we’re supposed to guard and protect are not even worthy of being protected!  They are constantly trying to bring about destruction and death.  They want everything the world has to offer, not just to be near to God.  But there’s a way to change that:

And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.  Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!  – 2 Corinthians 5:15-17

When we give our filthy, dirty hearts over to Christ he gives us new ones.  It’s his gift to anyone who will receive, and it’s our key to having a heart we want to protect and guard.  When we put our hearts into God’s hands, allowing him to take over the entire thing and breathe his life into the putrid mess, we end up having tragically beautiful hearts, the kind that we should be careful with.  And through making our relationship with Christ the top priority we continue to anchor our hearts in his living water, which is the safest place to be, and the best way to ensure that our wellsprings are flowing with life. 
In case this was hard to follow, here’s the breakdown:  God gave his son in exchange for the chance to give us life.  In Christ we have new life, new hearts.  That’s really cool because our hearts are bad.  Since we get shiny new hearts we need to guard them.  The best way to guard your heart is to have prayer time, worship time, and general quality heart/Jesus time.  And Jesus said:

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  – Matthew 6:21

So if Christ Jesus is your treasure, your heart will be with him.  If your heart is with him, you are having a continual conversation with God, your heart is safe.  If your heart is safe, there’s no need to worry.  And that’s how I connect the dots.