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Of Baby Sea Turtles

07 Wednesday Nov 2012

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I’ve currently got this very strange and nonsensical picture in my head about the Holy Spirit. 

The other night at bible study there was discussion about how humans have a tendency to subconsciously live as though we are being transformed from the outside in.  We do good works and behave certain ways because we want to be able to peel away the layers of self that are making it hard for the Spirit to change our hearts.  We attempt to break down the walls that are keeping us from experiencing the real love of God.  But that’s not biblical.

 “Hold fast & follow the pattern of wholesome, sound teaching which you have heard from me, in the faith and love which are in Christ Jesus.  Guard & keep [with the greatest care] the precious & excellently adapted Truth which has been entrusted to you, by the help of the Holy Spirit Who makes His home in us.”  – 2 Timothy 1:13&14

 We already have this good deposit.  We already have been seen stripped bare, regardless of our walls and layers and ignorance.  We already have been changed in our hearts, made into a new creation and justified through our faith in Christ Jesus (Romans 4&5).  But it is so difficult to allow the Holy Spirit to take the place of our own spirits.  It is hard to remember that we don’t have to do something to acquire it when we feel so unholy. 

For some reason I see this internal struggle of mine very much in this way: the H. Sizzle is a baby sea turtle.

While in an egg, buried under about 2 feet of sand, I feel like I am the sand.  I am what this little creature needs to burrow through so that it can breathe and continue on its journey to maturity.  I feel heavy and dense; I feel that I am the hardest element this little tiny sea turtle will ever have to get past in order to grow up.  But I’m wrong.  Baby sea turtles break out of their eggs, using a small temporary tooth located on their snout called a caruncle. They then remain in the nest for a number of days, absorbing their yolk, which provides them with the energy it will take to get from nest to offshore waters.  God has provided them with the right equipment to burrow out of their nest; the sand is an obstacle that is more easily overcome than the next one.

By the time the baby sea turtle has gotten past the sand I feel much like I did when I was a child watching the discovery channel: anxious.  I want to be able to help the baby sea turtle, to keep it safe, to guard it against predators, to guide it to the ocean.  But if this baby sea turtle is symbolizing the Spirit of God in me, I am not only the sand but also the predators and the environmental hazards, ready to do anything I can to kill the birth of something precious. 

Once near the surface, they will often remain there until the temperature of the sand cools, usually indicating nighttime, when they are less likely to be eaten by predators or overheat. Once the baby turtles emerge from the nest, they use cues to find the water including the slope of the beach, the white crests of the waves, and the natural light of the ocean horizon.  (source) 

Again, God has given the baby sea turtle it’s own set of instincts and the ability to survive without help from me.  I am powerless to help it.  But God is powerful to sustain it.  And in order to grow to be strong and mature the little guy has to do these things.

“…We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, & endurance produces character, & character produces hope, & hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”  – Romans 5:3-5 

Because of His guidance and protection I can rejoice when the tiny creature reaches the waves and swims like crazy to the deeper waters.  Because of His incredible grace I can experience this every day, this journey and struggle in which I attempt to see the Holy Spirit gaining the upper hand in me. 

I’m not sure if all of this can be well understood, it’s not an incredibly accurate metaphor.  But I hope that someone will be able to understand it the way that I do and get out of it what I have: an understanding that I can do nothing but accept that I already have the Spirit, comfort from that understanding and renewed hope that every moment can be different because of it.

Valentine Prayer

14 Tuesday Feb 2012

Posted by in Holidays, Human Interest

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Oh Lord, thank you for making Man.  I’m not talking about all of us in a “mankind-is-a-joy-in-all-it’s-ways”, I’m talking about the Men, the males, the opposite sex.  You did some great work.  Thank you for making them with strong arms and big hearts.  Thank you for giving them different wiring and desires.  They are reflections of a side of you I am not, and it can be difficult and comforting to learn from them. 

God, thank you for each of the boys, guys, men that you’ve put in my life.  Thank you for my dad, for the uncles that are and aren’t related, for the brothers and cousins and sweethearts.  You’ve given each of them a purpose and sometimes I get to be a part of it and sometimes I just get to watch their journeys.  I pray, Lord, that your will would be done in their lives, that your purposes for them would be revealed and that you would guide and encourage them.  I pray that those who don’t know you yet will see your grace that brings salvation, and that your heart will draw them to the knowledge of your justice and the price Christ has paid.  Lord, use things that happen in their lives to reveal you in ways that are unexpected and tender.  And I pray that you would continue, as the ever present help in times of need, and as the king whose court we serve, that you would keep those who already know you close to you.  Let them see where they belong, what your purposes are, and who you desire to have in their lives.  So often, God, I really think that I know what’s best for the guys in my life and I know that’s not true.  I don’t know them like you do, and I don’t know their stories like you do.  Thank you for always being able to put them where they need to be, and help me to remember not to trouble my heart over what is not my concern. 

Lord, it’s entirely possible that you’ve got someone picked out for me to marry.  I know that what I want isn’t always what you’ve got planned, and Lord, I will not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.  I will wait on what you’ve got planned and continue to calm and quiet my soul.  But while I’m waiting to see where you bring me, while I pray that you’re preparing my heart for someone, please be preparing his.  You’ve written our names on the palm of your hand, and you’ve collected every tear we’ve cried in a special stellar bottle.  While I spend my life waiting on you I pray that he is a man who waits on you as well, and that he will be safe in the protection of your grace and mercy.  I pray that he will be a reflection of your heart, and that I will be able to love him best in the ways that you have planned.

Thank you for being enough.  Thank you for being enough for me to not need what I don’t have right now.  Thank you for promising to be better than everything I’ll ever have here on earth, and for life.  You’re the steward of my heart, mind and body.  You’re the love of my life.

When I am Happy

20 Saturday Nov 2010

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  • I dance randomly.
  • I tussle with my brother.
  • I smile more often.
  • I am optimistic.
  • I listen.
  • I am a little more impatient.
  • I don’t care about my make-up.
  • I make a glorious mess.
  • I eat what I want and stop when I am full.
  • I drink my favorite juice or soda or alcohol.
  • I snuggle with my pup.
  • I love on my friends.
  • I don’t think about romance and it’s absence.
  • I throw parties.

In this world of contradiction, it’s better to be merry than wise.

19 Tuesday Oct 2010

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I just found my massive amount of saved fortune cookie fortunes.  I have a good pile of them because when I worked at a chinese food place my boss (D) and I talked about writing a book of short stories based on fortunes, to be called My Life As A Fortune Cookie.  I still want to do it, so I’ve saved lots of fortunes for inspiration.  I used to carry them around on me all the time, countless fortunes have been lost to the washing machine.  I still keep one around as much as I can, it says “you are a lover of words someday you will write a book”.  Here are some of the better bits of wisdom offered on these tiny slips of paper.

  • An ounce of care is worth a pound of cure.
  • Tell me, I will forget.  Involve me, I will understand.
  • Q. What is K.M.S.? A. Keep Mouth Shut, the golden rule.
  • Ignorance on fire is better than knowledge on ice.
  • Poverty is no disgrace.
  • A rolling stone gathers no moss…but it obtains a certain polish!
  • Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.
  • Joys are often the shadows, cast by sorrows.
  • Faith is knowing there is an ocean when you can only see the stream.
  • Hard work without talent is a shame, but talent without hard work is a tragedy.
  • You can’t go far in a rowboat without oars.
  • Whistle while you work.
  • Be careful! Straight trees often have crooked roots.
  • If you bite the hand that feeds you, it won’t taste as good as the food you were fed.
  • There’s no point to being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes.
  • You discover treasures where others see nothing unusual.
  • As the purse is emptied, the heart is filled.
  • Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.
  • In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.
  • A kiss can beautify souls, hearts, and thoughts.
  • Your meaning of love is special.  Why not share it.
  • Writing is thinking on paper.
  • A calm sea does not make a skilled sailor.
  • Do not fear failure.
  • Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
  • A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.
  • An optimist is the human personification of spring.
  • A lifestyle is what you pay for; a life is what pays you.
  • A human being is a deciding being.
  • All thing as a cause.  Look into your pass for answer
  • Emotion is energy in motion.
  • A woman’s thinking is quicker than her action.
  • Human Rights: Know Them, Demand Them, Defend Them
  • Fear and desire – two sides of the same coin.
  • There are only 3 colors, 10 digits, and 7 notes; its what we do with them that’s important.
  • All that we are is a result of what we have thought.
  • A dose of adversity is often as needful as a dose of medicine.
  • Good bakers make plenty of dough.
  • Be mischievous and you will not be lonesome.
  • Commitment is what turns a promise into reality.
  • Education is the ability to meet life’s situations.
  • Never fear shadows.  They simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.
  • Enjoy Life.  This is not a dress rehearsal.
  • To measure up to all that is demanded of him, a man must overestimate his capacities.
  • Lotus blossoms smell better when you stop.
  • There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved.
  • Your emotions are right on the surface, but that’s okay.
  • Commitment is the stuff character is made of the power to change the face of things.
  • The whole world is a narrow bridge; the important thing is not to be afraid.
  • Turn your scars into stars.
  • It’s tough to be fascinating.
  • To love what you do and feel that it matters–how could anything be more fun?
  • We live at the edge of the miraculous.
  • To remember is to understand.
  • Ideas not coupled with action never become bigger than the brain cells they occupied.
  • You need to recharge.  Spend time alone in nature.
  • Do not desire what you do not need.
  • Happiness isn’t an outside job, it’s an inside job.
  • A good way to keep healthy is to eat more Chinese food.

What Else Can I Do But Get Excited?

14 Tuesday Sep 2010

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Today I was thinking at work about how I wanted to update this thing before going to Concord, MA for the night tomorrow, because like HELL am I lugging around a lappy-top for no reason.  We’re all going because my Ma is doing the make-up for a stage production, and I think I’ll end up backstage helping her out more than seeing the show.  I don’t mind, I love make-up and I grew up doing all this stuff.  So I wanted to update but I was thinking about how I didn’t feel well and I was sad because I had an epiphany: maybe it would be really nice to have someone around who wants to take care of me when I don’t feel so well.  Part of the reason I get so grumpy when I feel ill is because all my family does is ask really (I mean REALLY) stupid questions and don’t listen to the answers and then don’t give a chipmunk’s foot about any of it afterward, as if just acknowledging that I don’t feel well means they can now treat me like I feel fine.  Wouldn’t it be nice if someone were around who actually wanted to hug me, or let me sit down and have some quiet, or maybe even take care of me a little.  So basically I thought that I had nothing to put up here that was positive. 

Then I got home and BAM!  My purse was in the kitchen!

So I remembered, thanks to mail, that I have some good things to write about.  This bag is kick-ass.  It’s real leather, it’s nice and spacious but not too big, it’s got the inside side pockets and one on the outside, it zips, it’s got cool clippy-things,  it’s got the eyelet things so it looks like a rock star… Basically it’s my bag.  And here’s a picture of my manicure from yesterday, because I really like the color.