Today at one of my churches the discussion was marriage. The first thing I would like to say is that yes, I now say one of my churches and I have been wondering how many I can belong to before the “officials” track me down and make me commit to only one. The second is that marriage has been in so many of the sermons I’ve heard recently that I’m afraid that I’m supposed to be paying attention for some reason.
The main thing that the pastor and his wife were discussing (at least to me and my attention span) was how people need different things from marriage partners. It’s not even down to 5 Love Languages anymore it’s all the way up to a 10 Needs Worksheet. The “homework” for married folks was to discuss their top 3 needs and how to meet them with each other. I was interested but sort of disappointed because it’s not something I can really apply to my life at the moment. I have to make note of it and remember to review it if/when the time comes for me to start planning the house party that will be the send off to my honeymoon.
(For the record, according to the quiz for the 5 Love Languages I am all about Receiving Gifts, which is interesting considering I don’t get them from many people aside from my mother. I sure as heck haven’t gotten many at all from any of the guys I have ever been involved with. And I do not like meaningless things, last minute grab off the shelf items that have nothing to do with me. The next on the list was Quality Time, which makes sense. I like it a lot. After that was Words of Affirmation.)
The 10 Needs Worksheet contained the following: Attention (care), Acceptance, Appreciation (praise), Support (bear burdens), Encouragement, Affection, Approval, Security (peace), Comfort (empathy), and Respect (honor).
I figured out the first thing that I will need from a relationship whenever that goes down. It was the first thing on the list that I was drawn to, the first thing that I understood really well without having to think about it: Security.
Definition of SECURITY
1: the quality or state of being secure: as
a: freedom from danger : safety
b: freedom from fear or anxiety
c: freedom from the prospect of being laid off
2 a: something given, deposited, or pledged to make certain the fulfillment of an obligation
3: an instrument of investment in the form of a document (as a stock certificate or bond) providing evidence of its ownership
4 a: something that secures: protection
b (1): measures taken to guard against espionage or sabotage, crime, attack, or escape
(2): an organization or department whose task is security
Do I fully understand this? Eh, not really. Do I understand partially? Sure. I’ve been in very insecure place much more of the time than I would like to have been. I have been in positions where trusting God was the only security in my life, and I was not happy about it, to be honest. And yet I continue to get myself into these situations. I continue to pursue what is wrong for me, and to fold to whatever hand is dealt. I don’t want to do that any more. I want to be able to know without the shadow of a doubt that there is something mutual, something based on a relationship with God, something exclusive and intentional happening. I don’t want to deal with subtle, with games, with signals. What, are we supposed to communicate through fire puffs like Native Americans? Do we have symbols to decode? Do I need to learn how to understand key words? Because I am unwilling to respond to anything that isn’t direct. And if there is a doubt then there shouldn’t be initiation. I want security. I want peace.