There is a occurance in my life as of late that makes me cringe, scrunch my face up, and yell at my mother. It usually goes something like this: We are in the company of young men and she says hello, then moves directly on to a burning question of her heart, “So what girls are you interested in these days?”
I am so tired of making my adorable face look ugly, and even worse, the fact that she laughs off my polite, rude, and heartfelt pleads for her to stop asking such things. It’s bad enough to hang out with a bunch of dudes with my mom, asking about romantic inclinations in mixed company is asking for trouble or a brush off, which she usually gets. (Technically, since she gets the brush off I shouldn’t really care, but it grates me so!)
I decided to get a little more educated on what the Bible says about all this jazz, and the first thing I wanted to know was what it thought about us guys and gals getting jiggy with it. Apparently, God didn’t like Adam being alone (Gen. 2:18) and when he made him an Eve and they christened Eden he said it was good. So there’s that.
Later, in Romans 12:9&10 it says that “Love must be sincere…Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” This is how, when we aren’t all hitched and making babies, we should treat each other. (I try, but let’s be realistic, I don’t always succeed.) I’m going to break it down for a minute here.
When honor is used as a verb it means to treat each other in a way that holds someone to honesty, fairness, or integrity in one’s beliefs and actions. So when I talk to a guy I should be treating him as though he is honest, fair, and has integrity in his beliefs and actions. Why? Well, when someone treats me that way I want to be that way. So that’s a good enough reason for me.
We should be devoted, which means to be zealous or ardent in attachment, loyalty, or affection, in brotherly love, which means to have a kindly and lenient attitude toward people. So I should be ardently attached, loyal, and affectionate towards my guy pals while being kind and lenient. Why? Because we all fall short of glorious, and if it weren’t for human compassion there are quite a few people who would be seriously unhappy and some who might just choose to die instead of disappoint people further.
Lastly our love should be sincere. Sincere has too many great meanings to skip: free of deceit, hypocrisy, or falseness; earnest 2. genuine; real 3. pure; unmixed; unadulterated 4. sound; unimpaired. This word, all of these words that are behind it, this is how I need to love my guy pals? Yes. And that’s how they should love me. Why? The only reason I care to even use is that it would be wonderful. To have the kind of love in friendship that is described here would be a precious thing.
So this is how (I try) to love my boys. Yes, sometimes I call them that. And it’s a challenge for me at times, because sometimes I want to believe that they lie, that they aren’t fair, that they are sneaky, I want to tell them to fuck off and die, I become a version of myself that ignores the things I can’t be honest about, I even have been known to get crushes! That’s not in this description of love! Thankfully it’s been a while since I’ve had to deal with one of those, but that’s beside the point. My point is that when I am surrounded by people who are just doing this, loving in a pure and unadulterated way, I am set-ski. Good to go! Then there are the Yentas. The gossip-y, busy-body women that have to start playing matchmaker. Well guess what? I don’t want a matchmaker! And I don’t want to talk about “interest” and other vom-inducing topics like that. And Jesus doesn’t want you to either.
Ephesians 4: 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, MOM.