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I have been struggling with a verse the past few days.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matt 6:21)

The verse is explicit. What I value, what I think is important, has the attention of my mind and takes up room in my heart. I’ve always considered myself off the hook with this verse, because I’m an idiot, but I realized while watching Pirates of the Caribbean At World’s End that much like the pirates I am not plagued by a treasure I already possess. My heart is pirate, which may have to do with my lineage and delusions, but that doesn’t change the fact that its desire is for something I don’t have but want. It believes that if I could only have this, things in my life would change. Life would get better; I’d be happier and fulfilled. In my own swashbuckling life I keep one thing in my heart as the ultimate desire, my personal Aztec gold. Once it’s mine the life I want will begin.
But the problem is that my treasure is not Jesus. Jesus acts as a crewmember in this area, another aid to get me to my goal. I have assigned my God to an assisting role in my story, without any consideration for how he might feel on the matter.
How embarrassing! Every day I continue to find more areas of my heart that are festering with sin. It’s annoying, especially when you start the day out thinking that you have your priorities in order. It’s not a new thing, finding idolatry stowing away in my heart like a rat with the black plague trying to wipe out all the work the H Sizzle has been doing in me.
I have found that this is God’s way, bringing to light my weaknesses so I can become more aware of my own shortcomings and know what to pray about. I don’t feel comfortable being like this. I feel like a jerk for being so insolent. I didn’t realize such a mutiny was at hand.
There is good news though. Apparently, for reasons I cannot fathom myself, Christ loves me. And he already knew all of this. He knows the deepest desires of my heart, and he is ready to be more satisfying that they are. And while I’m praying to want him more and my treasure less, the desires I’ve uncovered don’t seem to be going anywhere. But my desire for Him is growing.