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thingsThe worst part about being stuck is that usually there’s a way out and no drive to put it into motion.
Right now the thing closest to getting me out of a rut is the anger that I develop when certain persons ask me pointed questions about my life. I always want to turn it back on them, and to make them feel as badly as I do. But that’s not kind, and I don’t. I just tell them to back off, shut up, stop asking me the same questions as yesterday when they know damn well what I did with my day today.
There is nothing so exhausting as having nothing to do, or having things to do but no reason to do them. Winter feels like the perfect time for hibernation, although so does summer because I burn so badly in the sun. It makes me want to go back to school somehow just to have some sort of structure or deadline. I make the worst accountability partner for myself, and have no desire to get someone else to be one.
So I sit around, watching Netflix and crocheting a baby blanket, sleeping in too much and going to bed too late, getting angry at unstructured days and trying to figure out what projects I can actually get myself to take part in. I get overwhelmed just talking to someone who does things with their days. I sit down to write and draw a blank, or start typing and realize I just wrote absolutely nothing of importance. I ignore the bible on my bedside table and pretend it’s ok that I don’t talk to God very often. I make plans in my head about changing the way I do things and then sleep in again, stay in my pajamas till noon, don’t bother showering because I’m not going anywhere. It’s the ultimate staycation that really needs to end.
What fail to help are the articles about inspiration and getting rid of writer’s block. Especially when you’ve read every single one you have come across and now are over loaded with information instead of inspired. There are so many useful blogs out there and yet with each blog post about something that should be helping you there’s no real reason to follow someone else’s formula for success, because success will look different on each person.
So buckle down. Quit messing around. Start playing to win. Risk. Be tired if it means being up early. Go to bed late if you feel like writing instead of sleeping. Start projects and finish them. Enjoy your almost clean room and use it to create something worth sharing.
dirty

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