• Me?

Dirty Sean

~ Unearthing Treasures, Mapping Truths, Navigating Life

Dirty Sean

Tag Archives: Memo

Why I Like Travelling, or How To Make A Positive Out Of A Stressful Situation

24 Friday Feb 2012

Posted by Meagan Sean in Dirty's Reports

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Dirty's Report, Human Interest, Memo, My Philosophy, Personal Update, True Life

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before in multiple places on my blog (that no one reads or else they’d all comment, obviously), but I love travelling and I love travelling alone.  I find few others who enjoy it the same way that I do, most people enjoy travelling with others and a some enjoy travelling alone but I can never figure out why they do because it’s usually a convoluted, modern, flakey-gypsy girl reason.  “I enjoy getting to visit places I’ve never been to and see what the earth is made of in a new perspective” or “I get to watch people and pretend that I’m someone else, it feels so glamorous” usually end up in the explanations as to why travelling alone is so much fun.  I, on the other hand, have entirely different reasons that seem to be particularly true only to me.

  1. I take public transportation a lot, and in order to do so successfully I must be at certain places on time in order to get on certain things, like the bus or the train.  And that journey in and of itself is an adventure!  No matter how early I am to get on the vehicle I am always convinced that I am late, therefore adding a strong dose of anxiety to my stride and a strange reaction to anything and everyone I cross paths with.  Strangers must think I’m crazy because my reactions to anyone within 3 feet of me is a strange surprise and twitch.  Inevitably I am on time, although the times I’ve been late have usually been the days that I feel overly confident that I will be on time and have to run to the station, thereby reinstating the fact that I’m out of shape.  Every time I curse myself for not always having a liter of water on hand.
  2. I like trains and airplanes for two reasons: I can’t react strongly to the traffic around me like in a car while freaking out about how fast we’re going or if we’re  going to be late.  Also, I am able to read.  I get carsick reading in the car or on the bus, but on the train or the plane I finish entire book series!  It’s excellent.
  3.  The reason I’m able to read, aside from not dealing with nausea, is because for some reason trains and planes put me into a super subdued version of stress.  For some reason it’s incredibly relaxing to me.  I pick a seat or get a seat assigned, I sit in it, and that is where I will stay for the rest of my life.  I will crumble into a corpse in this spot and so I will make the best of the spot that it is.  I will curl up or stretch out, I will kink my neck inevitably from reading hunched over, I will designate spots for my drinks and keep my phone on vibrate under one thigh.  And I will never, ever nap.  Because I can’t nap.  But that’s another story.
  4. I talk to strangers like it’s my job EXCEPT when I’m travelling.  And I like it like that.  I might have a 20 minute conversation with one person while travelling all day.  This is Me Time, honestly.  It’s when I get to read because I finally have no excuse not to.  It’s when I get to think about what I want to write, people in my life, God, things that are sad, things that are happy, things that I will experience and things I have experienced, prices of things in different states, and the like.  I also get to pray, and sometimes write, and of course I usually write poetry when travelling because anything else would be pretentious.
  5. I like to wear and pack my favorite clothes for trips.  I will choose the style I want to be perceived as having, make sure all those clothes are clean days in advance, and then become that person for however long the trip is.  I don’t expect people to think I’m cooler, for people to look at me and think “What a cool little bohemian-gypsy-girl with hips that won’t quit!”  I literally only do it for me, because when I feel like I’m a cool little bohemian-gypsy- girl with hips that won’t quit I feel confident and secure.  Even if I look like a lunatic with my henley-layered, sweater-topped, dirty hair and smokey-eyed ensemble at 9:30 am I still FEEL like a weathered, jaded traveler who is so used to this that she just wants to enjoy a novel during the ride.
  6. I also like the food situations that I find myself in.  When I’m able to prepare a snack or lunch before hand, I find that it’s a great way to save money and be bored to death while looking like a genius for not paying $7 for a fast food sandwich.  But usually I end up forgetting and getting really thirsty and a little hungry, so I stop and get a snack.  This usually makes me feel like a 5-year-old because I want things I like, and also like an adult because I make myself get something healthy and pay for it myself.  For instance, I will make sure I get a protein bar because it’s “good for me” and a bottle of water, but I will make sure to grab junior mints or m&m’s too because I want to snack on something while I read.  I even go through the emotions of both ages, simultaneously wanting a treat so bad but not being able to decide which one and forcing myself to grab something with sustenance while being disgusted at the pricing of everything I just purchased.
  7. I think the only unfortunate part is that I do end up feeling exhausted by the time I get to the place I’m going, but I’m consistently amazed at finding out how long a day can go when I spend “sooooo much time” getting from point A to point B and still having the entire rest of the afternoon/evening to do things like fight with my parents, call the doctor, and make dinner.  And don’t get me started on going into different time zones, which I like to refer to as Travelling Through Time.  Not time travelling, that’s just a science fiction concept.  I’m definitely the asshole who tries to call other people when I’m two hours ahead of them and tell them the future.  Because in the future, I’m having dinner in a few hours but you’re going to have to wait like all day.

Valentine Prayer

14 Tuesday Feb 2012

Posted by Meagan Sean in Holidays, Human Interest

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Human Interest, Memo, Random, True Life

Oh Lord, thank you for making Man.  I’m not talking about all of us in a “mankind-is-a-joy-in-all-it’s-ways”, I’m talking about the Men, the males, the opposite sex.  You did some great work.  Thank you for making them with strong arms and big hearts.  Thank you for giving them different wiring and desires.  They are reflections of a side of you I am not, and it can be difficult and comforting to learn from them. 

God, thank you for each of the boys, guys, men that you’ve put in my life.  Thank you for my dad, for the uncles that are and aren’t related, for the brothers and cousins and sweethearts.  You’ve given each of them a purpose and sometimes I get to be a part of it and sometimes I just get to watch their journeys.  I pray, Lord, that your will would be done in their lives, that your purposes for them would be revealed and that you would guide and encourage them.  I pray that those who don’t know you yet will see your grace that brings salvation, and that your heart will draw them to the knowledge of your justice and the price Christ has paid.  Lord, use things that happen in their lives to reveal you in ways that are unexpected and tender.  And I pray that you would continue, as the ever present help in times of need, and as the king whose court we serve, that you would keep those who already know you close to you.  Let them see where they belong, what your purposes are, and who you desire to have in their lives.  So often, God, I really think that I know what’s best for the guys in my life and I know that’s not true.  I don’t know them like you do, and I don’t know their stories like you do.  Thank you for always being able to put them where they need to be, and help me to remember not to trouble my heart over what is not my concern. 

Lord, it’s entirely possible that you’ve got someone picked out for me to marry.  I know that what I want isn’t always what you’ve got planned, and Lord, I will not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.  I will wait on what you’ve got planned and continue to calm and quiet my soul.  But while I’m waiting to see where you bring me, while I pray that you’re preparing my heart for someone, please be preparing his.  You’ve written our names on the palm of your hand, and you’ve collected every tear we’ve cried in a special stellar bottle.  While I spend my life waiting on you I pray that he is a man who waits on you as well, and that he will be safe in the protection of your grace and mercy.  I pray that he will be a reflection of your heart, and that I will be able to love him best in the ways that you have planned.

Thank you for being enough.  Thank you for being enough for me to not need what I don’t have right now.  Thank you for promising to be better than everything I’ll ever have here on earth, and for life.  You’re the steward of my heart, mind and body.  You’re the love of my life.

Short and Sweet, like mini candy bars

17 Friday Dec 2010

Posted by Meagan Sean in Dirty Little...

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Memo


“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.  It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf.  He has become a high priest forever…”  – Hebrews 6:19&20

I just found these verses and what I’m really geeking out about at this time is how it references hope.  Hope is a weird word, it sounds airy when you say it out loud.  There’s a reason that most people think of Emily Dickinson as having defined it (“Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops… at all”).  It makes sense to the sound of the word, even to the spelling.  It just feels like something that flies. 
But here it is an anchor.  Hope is described as firm and secure.  What tha?  Really?  That’s a new way to think of it I guess… Now time for a legit definition: 
Hope, noun  1. the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
So hope, which requires believing in things that haven’t happened yet and by all accounts might not happen ever, is always described as something lofty and flighty.  This makes sense because these days people consider the cynics to be most grounded, don’t they?  If you expect the worst about everything people respect you, and if you hope for the best and get excited people think you’re a granola fruitcake. 
But hope is supposed to be an anchor, a source of security and stability.  Hope is not something that floats above our heads, it’s something that we attach to the promises we have in Christ. 
If I were to look at my hope as something, I think I’d prefer it to be the anchor.  I don’t like the idea of my hope being able to fly away from me when I need it most.  For someone with sometimes tumultuous emotions, the idea that hope would hold me securely to Christ sounds too good to pass up, seeing as he’s the only one that doesn’t make fun of me when I get angry over something stupid or cry over a movie.   I guess I think of hope as like my shoes, I can go anywhere in them.  Strap them on and we’re good to go.  Without them I’d feel unstable and lost.

Sometimes I forget how good my life is.

30 Tuesday Nov 2010

Posted by Meagan Sean in Human Interest

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Memo

I came across the blog of a woman who is the wife of the man who was my youth pastor in high school.  I read a few of her entries and started crying, which I don’t normally do, because she sounds like someone I want to meet.  She and her husband have a little boy, and she is pregnant again but there are complications.

Our baby is not viable.  My doctors’ suspicions were confirmed yesterday.  After an ultrasound, which took 15 minutes but seemed like forever, we were informed that our precious 16 week old baby has a two vessel umbilical cord (should be three), a heart defect, an obstruction in the intestines, half of one leg and no kidneys.  There is almost no fluid around the baby (because there are no kidneys).  This was the most difficult ultrasound I’ve ever had.  I could see that the baby was not really moving because there was obviously no room to move with the lack of fluid.  His little heart was still beating away though.

My greatest hope is that God would be honored and glorified in this situation.  I want to have more children.  Anyone who has been reading this blog has to know that by now.  It is one of my strongest desires, and at one point it became my sole desire.  That was so wrong.  Over the last year God has been loosening my grip on this desire that slowly and quietly developed into a NEED.  My desire for more children is still there, and it is still strong.  But my greatest need is for Christ and His purposes.  I have found that the more God loosens my grip on the things that I want, the more He becomes what I want and what I need.  I have also found that true satisfaction, fulfillment and joy only comes when He is in the center of it all.                       (Megan’s Blog)

I wonder at times if this kind of strength and tunnel vision for Christ only comes from going through the worst situations.  I don’t know this woman, but I knew Aron, and I know that if he married her then she is one incredible and special person.  I don’t know God’s plan.  I know that reading about the reality of her situation has reminded me to step back and reassess the condition of my own heart. 

5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
   sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
   you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

 7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
   wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
   let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
   and blot out all my iniquity.

 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
   and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
   or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
   and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from bloodguilt, O God,
   you who are God my Savior,
   and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
   and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
   you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
   a broken and contrite heart
   you, God, will not despise.        (Psalm 51)

Traveling

13 Saturday Nov 2010

Posted by Meagan Sean in Dirty Little...

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Memo

2 Corinthians 4:7 (New Living Translation)

 We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure.[a] This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

That we are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.
We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of it.

Sleeping At Last – Needle and Thread

← Older posts
Newer posts →

Who, me?


I consider myself an eccentric who looks good in jeans, or an amateur at adulthood. I live in Maine, enjoy writing and photography as creative outlets, and listen to some of the worst music you've ever heard. I’m good at sin and bad at following Christ, but I’m still letting Him take the lead. Dirty is my middle name. So is Sean.
The purpose of this blog is to keep a record while I'm unearthing treasures, mapping truths, and navigating life.

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Blogs by Christian Women

blogs by christian women

Categories

  • Adventures in Food (6)
  • Chronicles of Don't (6)
  • Cosmo-Girl (4)
  • Crafty Little… (11)
  • Dirty Dozen (27)
  • Dirty Little… (31)
  • Dirty's Reports (96)
  • Holidays (17)
  • Human Interest (60)
  • I Made This (3)
  • In Memoriam (4)
  • Inspirations (5)
  • SOAP (5)
  • Style (10)
  • Things TV Teaches Me (5)
  • Uncategorized (95)

Blogroll

  • A Beautiful Mess
  • A Softer World
  • Convos with my 2-year-old
  • Delightfully Tacky
  • Gala Darling
  • Good for the Soule
  • Good Women Project
  • Grace is for Sinners
  • Honestly…WTF
  • Ramshackle Glam
  • The Band Wife
  • The Beauty Department

Past Posts

No Instagram images were found.

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Dirty Sean
    • Join 47 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Dirty Sean
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...