Author Archives: Meagan Sean

Traveling

13 Saturday Nov 2010

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2 Corinthians 4:7 (New Living Translation)

 We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure.[a] This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

That we are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.
We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of it.

Sleeping At Last – Needle and Thread

I Am What I Am.

09 Tuesday Nov 2010

Posted by in Human Interest

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1.  This isn’t really a complaint, more like something that is really judgmental and shouldn’t bring so much joy to my black, wretched heart… I love finding out that people I knew in high school who were “cool”, “popular”, or “cheerleaders”, ended up fat.  Sorry girls, no matter how well you can do your make-up and hair, how much thinner you look with a tan, how little you care about the weight gain because you obviously still wear the same size clothing… I still see it.  And I enjoy it.

2.  Let’s set the stage.  You, 57-year-old woman re-marrying your husband.
Me, your second daughter.
You:  I’m not telling your older sister until I feel like it.  So if you tell anyone it has to be in a way that she can’t, like, read it on facebook or something because I want to tell her when I’m ready.
Me:  Why aren’t you telling her?
You:  Because she ran away and eloped and didn’t tell us, so I’m not telling her.
Me:  Well she was acting very maturely when she made that decision, and I’m glad to see you’re making the same good decisions.

3.  I’ve gotten this weird feeling recently, it’s the kind that makes my spine tingle and I’ll be sitting in a room full of people, doing my own thing, when I feel the need to look up and BAM!  That person that doesn’t actually say anything to me?  It’s fucking staring at me.  I have one suggestion for them:  Don’t.

4.  I’m not sure if it’s because we have a sick-ass shower or what, but I can no longer find redeeming qualities in the people who decide to have a competition as to who can take the longest, hottest shower when it leaves me with no hot water.  If you don’t even live here, find your own bathroom.

5.  Snuggies.  Ugh.

I Am So Putting You In A Home.

03 Wednesday Nov 2010

Posted by in Dirty's Reports

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There is a occurance in my life as of late that makes me cringe, scrunch my face up, and yell at my mother.  It usually goes something like this:  We are in the company of young men and she says hello, then moves directly on to a burning question of her heart, “So what girls are you interested in these days?” 
I am so tired of making my adorable face look ugly, and even worse, the fact that she laughs off my polite, rude, and heartfelt pleads for her to stop asking such things.  It’s bad enough to hang out with a bunch of dudes with my mom, asking about romantic inclinations in mixed company is asking for trouble or a brush off, which she usually gets.  (Technically, since she gets the brush off I shouldn’t really care, but it grates me so!)
I decided to get a little more educated on what the Bible says about all this jazz, and the first thing I wanted to know was what it thought about us guys and gals getting jiggy with it.  Apparently, God didn’t like Adam being alone (Gen. 2:18) and when he made him an Eve and they christened Eden he said it was good.  So there’s that.
Later, in Romans 12:9&10 it says that “Love must be sincere…Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.  Honor one another above yourselves.”  This is how, when we aren’t all hitched and making babies, we should treat each other.  (I try, but let’s be realistic, I don’t always succeed.)  I’m going to break it down for a minute here.
When honor is used as a verb it means to treat each other in a way that holds someone to honesty, fairness, or integrity in one’s beliefs and actions.  So when I talk to a guy I should be treating him as though he is honest, fair, and has integrity in his beliefs and actions.  Why?  Well, when someone treats me that way I want to be that way.  So that’s a good enough reason for me. 
We should be devoted, which means to be zealous or ardent in attachment, loyalty, or affection, in brotherly love, which means to have a kindly and lenient attitude toward people.  So I should be ardently attached, loyal, and affectionate towards my guy pals while being kind and lenient.  Why?  Because we all fall short of glorious, and if it weren’t for human compassion there are quite a few people who would be seriously unhappy and some who might just choose to die instead of disappoint people further. 
Lastly our love should be sincere.  Sincere has too many great meanings to skip: free of deceit, hypocrisy, or falseness; earnest  2. genuine; real  3. pure; unmixed; unadulterated  4. sound; unimpaired.  This word, all of these words that are behind it, this is how I need to love my guy pals?  Yes.  And that’s how they should love me.  Why?  The only reason I care to even use is that it would be wonderful.  To have the kind of love in friendship that is described here would be a precious thing.
So this is how (I try) to love my boys.  Yes, sometimes I call them that.  And it’s a challenge for me at times, because sometimes I want to believe that they lie, that they aren’t fair, that they are sneaky, I want to tell them to fuck off and die, I become a version of myself that ignores the things I can’t be honest about, I even have been known to get crushes!  That’s not in this description of love!  Thankfully it’s been a while since I’ve had to deal with one of those, but that’s beside the point.  My point is that when I am surrounded by people who are just doing this, loving in a pure and unadulterated way, I am set-ski.  Good to go!  Then there are the Yentas.  The gossip-y, busy-body women that have to start playing matchmaker.  Well guess what?  I don’t want a matchmaker!  And I don’t want to talk about “interest” and other vom-inducing topics like that.  And Jesus doesn’t want you to either.
Ephesians 4: 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, MOM.

“You don’t go to the Oceanside bars that the college kids hang out at, do you?” “I prefer the biker bar by the train station. I get more attention there.”

29 Friday Oct 2010

Posted by in Dirty Dozen

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  1. It is THAT MUCH closer to Halloween weekend which means I am THAT MUCH closer to getting some quality BFF time! 
  2.  My room has been completely overhauled and cleaned!  That means everything has a place, I got two new shelf type things, and I even dusted as much as possible and vacuumed!    
  3.  I put on a pair of my favorite jeans recently that I haven’t worn in a long time and found a bunch of fortunes in the pocket:  Even the smartest person can learn something from the dumbest.  He who climbs a ladder must begin at the first step.  He who hesitates is last.  Understand yourself so you man understand others.  If your cookie is in 2 pieces, the answer is yes.  From error to error, one discovers the entire truth.  42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.  Faith is a law.  He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.  Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.  If winter comes, can spring be far behind?
  4. I got to spend some time with some wonderful people while in MA, including taking a car ride with the Lumberjack, finding out that there’s a male indian version of me with Kitten, and all three of us crossing our fingers for my cousin’s date thingy.  Oh, not to mention a semi-fail Disney Movie night.  But even half of The Emperor’s New Groove is good enough for me!
  5. Everyone does different things when they are bored, and one thing I like to do is play with my make-up.  I was playing last night while prepping for my Halloween costume (Buzzed Lightyear) and I’m excited to try something a little outlandish but still very me.
  6. Listening to a massive amount of Bethany Dillon this week, including the new CD.  This girl is so young, with such a rich voice, and her songs are simple but explain exactly what I wish I could have said.  I’m not big on worship through music, but her songs absolutely put me in that kind of place.
  7. There is nothing quite so precious as a snuggle with a dog that loves you.  He turned 2 years old this month, and I am trying to spend a bit more time with him, seeing as the dogs are sort of put in a room to hang while the family doesn’t pay attention to them.  There’s nothing quite so lovely as when he jumps up on my leg after work, it’s his way of saying “hey I missed you, will you love me?  I love you!”  Puppy kisses are so good!   
  8. I finally told Sampson I don’t want to talk to him.  I did it for selfish reasons, but sometimes finally standing up for yourself and your own well-being is the best reason to do something.  It’s no good to hold on to the pain and anger just because you don’t want to lose some sort of connection.
  9. Speaking of that special someone for the future, I found an old list of things I want in my future husband and among some silly things (“musician, recreationally.”  “Blue eyes, because I seem to be attracted to brown eyes and I have a feeling it will be opposite.”) there was one at the top of the list that is quite real, and it is “Born again christian, stronger than I”.  I remember not telling anyone about this list, and thinking that people would see me as weak because I want a strong husband.  But as a wise woman once told me, God wants us to be with people who will help us become better christians, the best follower of Christ that we can be.  And if I have a husband who is stronger than I and I love him enough to marry him, I’m thinking I will want to be the best wife and best christian I can be.  Because if not there will be no hope for the marriage, as I believe that if we don’t have God as the center of our marriage it will fall to ruin.  Not that I have any idea who I’m marrying, but I like to be well-educated on things that matter to me.
  10. Sometimes a quick bubble bath just puts you right to sleep… especially with moisturizer milk bubble bath and rose & lavender-scented bath oil.  Indulgent!
  11. Joshua 1:8&9 – Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.  Then you will be prosperous and successful.  Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
  12. Pictures from The Tompkins Square Halloween Dog Parade!  Pictures from here and here.

 

(OK, I don’t know where this last one is from but it’s awesome!)

An Open Letter To Sampson

26 Tuesday Oct 2010

Posted by in Human Interest

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It’s taken me a while to figure out what I do and don’t want from you, but I think I’ve got it now. 
I want more from leaving my heart out in the open than the gut feeling that you’ll never return the favor.
I don’t want to lose some semblance of the friendship we had once, even if that takes time and a half.
I want someone who makes me a priority instead of an option.
I don’t want to come in last on a list of deciding factors about life choices.
I want to feel the desire to be impressed by someones work more than critical because I am trying to tell you something but can’t find the words or make you listen.
I don’t want to wait for someone who is half convinced that he’s in love to figure out what he wants.
I want to stop having you mentally block me at all the inopportune times, it makes conversations about relationships hard, and painful.
I don’t want to feel so stuck and unable to explain things when I don’t think before I talk when someone mentions germany and I respond with how I HATE GERMANY.
I want to feel like I have someone who would be there if I need them.
I don’t want someone who is such a fucking pussy about believing in something and just running with it because it feels better.
I want you to read this without me having to send it, because I don’t feel like we have a direct line to each other anymore and it would mean that you were paying attention enough to know where to look.
I don’t want to think about you anymore, but I’m not sure if you can help that.