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Dirty Sean

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The Dirty Dozen

12 Sunday Sep 2010

Posted by Meagan Sean in Dirty Dozen

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Dirty Dozen

  1. Purchases: Florence + The Machine, Lungs.  Anberlin, Dark Is The Way Light Is the Place.  Rebecca Minkoff Eyelet Mini Mab Satchel with Strap (black).  Oh retail therapy, we’ve never been better friends. 
  2. Juliet and Shawn kissed on the summer finale of Psych!!!!!!
  3. I e-mailed one of my past professors a bunch of pictures of classic Disney cartoons and he wrote back and thanked me. 
  4. I got a visit from an old friend from school.  I forgot how this girl actually surprises me with how smart she can be.  Quite a forward thinker, and yet we do have things in common that remind me of the human condition and how even when you don’t think you can connect with someone there’s always something to understand in each other.
  5. A friend from school will hopefully be visiting this next weekend. 
  6. Drunk phone call to D who I miss more than my life.
  7. Talking to my best friend.  That’s a big one.
  8. New chapstick.
  9. Getting down with my dirty self. 
  10. Spending quality time with the Broski.
  11. Reading fantastic books.  Best of the week:
    “My thoughts create my world.”
    “…when I first met her, I thought, so this is what heartsick means.  She made me feel… wanting.  Not like wanting a specific person or thing.  It was that I wanted everything, anything that I couldn’t have, everything out of reach.”
    “I’m sorry, he says, but not in the way that means he actually is sorry.  The way that means he’s sorry he has to say sorry.”
  12. These post cards from Post Secret:

Dirty’s Report: Open Minds Are Not A Great Idea

10 Friday Sep 2010

Posted by Meagan Sean in Dirty's Reports

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Dirty's Report

I have decided on a metaphor for my view on having an open mind vs. being an idiot. 

I think of it like language, reading in particular.  Let us invent a man, his name will be Teddy.  Teddy is from New Jersey, and he knows the English language as butchered by America as his first language.  He learned how to read it before any other language.  This is what he knows as his base language. 

In school Teddy learned French, because I like French and I invented Teddy so he does too.  Teddy appreciates the language for its nuance, its beauty, and its difficulty.  Teddy understands that there are many languages out there, and while he can now read, write, and speak in two languages, he still claims English as his first language, his base language. 

Now, keeping that on a back burner (set to simmer, right above low) let us explore the idea of morals.  According to a dictionary the first definition of moral (adjective) as of, pertaining to, or concerned with the principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong; ethical.  Ethics, in turn, as a plural noun is defined as a system of moral principles.  These are words often associated with religion, which as a noun is defined as a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.  

What I can see here is a difference.  While religion includes morals, morals and ethics don’t include religion.  This is of interest to me because during a conversation recently a friend said the following:

L’Allemand brûlant: “But now I need to find a balance between self-fulfillment and something that betters the world… there could be a God, but never enough proof for or against so it takes “faith” which I had perhaps before, but not now.”

C’est moi: “Why not?”

L’Allemand brûlant: “Because of that fact: you can’t prove it, and can’t disprove it so it’s almost irrelevant.  If I choose to have faith, then I feel that I forsake all the universe has to offer.  I don’t want to miss the true meaning of the universe because of one decision.”

So this person has decided that he doesn’t want to miss out on all of the possibilities of the universe, and because of that he has chosen not to have faith in anything.  This is how I see it, perhaps you and Teddy wouldn’t, but I do.  So now I will take that back pot off the burner and show you how the ingredients represent my argument.

If we consider basic morals and ethics, maybe even religion, to be the language in Teddy’s story we can use this to further my case against Stupid.  Let us revise; saying that Teddy was raise Catholic and his entire belief system is based on what he learned from the Catholic teachings.  In school Teddy learns about Buddhism, and he is intrigued by some of the teachings and from the differences to his own belief system.  Now, if Teddy had a closed mind he would learn about Buddhism only for the scholastic benefit, meanwhile considering anyone who believed in “all that mumbo-jumbo hippie crap” (his words, not mine) is wrong, wrong, wrong!  This line of thinking is actually what I would consider wrong.  If Teddy has an open mind he would look into Buddhism with curiosity about the historical and cultural effects, perhaps not integrating it into his own belief system, but respecting it for being another line of thinking that others have lived by. 

Now let’s think about what would happen if Teddy decided that there were far too many belief systems and that the existence of so many negates any one being correct.  He falls away from his base religion, learns about a myriad of others, and is overwhelmed with the feeling that it is absurd to have faith in any without knowing which is correct.  Without having a base religion, he would decide that the moral codes he once had were just as invalid as every other one: if one religion believes in covering women completely and another believes in allowing them to wear whatever they like, neither can be right.  If in one religion a man is killed for something that he is not killed for in another, they are both wrong.

Speaking of absurdity, Albert Camus found himself on the outside of faith and religion as well.  He called himself an atheist, but came to the decision that the absence of religious belief can be accompanied by a longing for salvation and meaning.  At one point he said that “I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there isn’t and die to find out there is.”  As it would seem, the disbelief and faithless logic that is seen throughout generations is accompanied by what may be described as a basic human impulse.  Like a young child believing that Daddy will be able to fix anything, there is still an instinct to believe that there is something bigger out there, and a desire to be under that protection. 

In the case of Teddy, I would see his inability to anchor his beliefs or morals in one area as one who would refuse to have one base language.  It would be as though he decided upon learning about all the other languages in the world that since he couldn’t imagine which one was universally correct he wouldn’t use one at all. 

George Bernard Shaw once said that “the open mind never acts: when we have done our utmost to arrive at a reasonable conclusion, we still – must close our minds for the moment with a snap, and act dogmatically on our conclusions” Therein is the logic that would spurn Teddy (since I created him) to chose one of the incredibly overwhelming options available that would be under the label of Moral Codes, Ethics, and Religions.  When refusing to anchor ourselves we float and when floating we do not have the ability to direct ourselves.  In order to live a life that is his own Teddy has decided that his language is English, and he will learn other languages if he so chooses.  He uses his language to excel at school and explain himself to others.  He goes to college at Brown, does a semester in France, and goes on to get his masters at Harvard.  He eventually becomes a leader in the Green movement, which has to do with warring against global warming, and his words inspire others to make great changes that help their cities, states, and world.  Teddy changed the world because he chose a language and decided that whether it was the right one or not, it was the right one for him.

 “He who believes is strong; he who doubts is weak. Strong convictions precede great actions.” – Louisa May Alcott

Confessions

03 Friday Sep 2010

Posted by Meagan Sean in Human Interest

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complaining

 

I’ve been having a rough week.

I’ve been in a pissing match with my best friend because I got fed up with letting her feel so incredibly alone, wallowing in self-pity, self-destruction, and self-righteousness.  It’s been painful.

I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep, and I’ve been really tired.  Am really tired.

I realized that the most overwhelming longing of my innermost self is to marry a good man and be a good wife, then have a child or children and be a good mom.

I have also realized that I don’t have ambition to do anything else.

I also have realized that I will never find a husband and most likely will never have children, and will inevitably die a virgin. 

I don’t want to go job hunting but I’m going to have to. 

I wish I could just book a flight to some random place and never tell anyone I’m going and never come back.

Maybe I should help mom start a real business just for kicks.  Maybe she’d pay my loans off or something.

Arrested Development. I wish!

17 Tuesday Aug 2010

Posted by Meagan Sean in Human Interest

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Hello ladies and jellyspoons, my name is Dirty Sean (sometimes) and I will captain this possible titanic of a blog.  This little blog is what I hope to use as my anonymous but completely honest testimony of my life.  I do not always feel that I have much to share, but I am using this as an exercise not only in creativity but also in positivity!  I often sulk about and think gray thoughts about my gray life when the only think keeping me in gray is me.  I choose a new color, and automatically I think pink is good but I’m a bigger fan of anything on the blue spectrum.  This will hopefully be my way to take stock of lessons I’ve learned and relationships I’ve had, as well as a place to post things like “Dirty’s Research Papers” which will be my half-assed attempt at journalism for myself.  At least it will keep me on my toes and give me a project! 

One of the reasons I am starting this project is the fact that I seem to have people in my life that want secrets to be kept and I want to honor that, but sometimes things need to be said and I feel that I need a place for my honest opinion without putting these people up for speculation.  Understandable, I think.  And I also usually end up feeling strongly about things and not being able to speak my mind on them, partly because of dramatic character actors that use life as a stage, and partly because of selfish character actors that use life as a stage. 

On another note, I enjoy doing percentages.  Only sometimes, and only in a specific category.  The category I enjoy is “How Much Of My Life Is Spent Doing X When I Am Y Age”.  It’s quite interesting to think that when you were 4 years old you spent a 4th of your life in the summer, and when you are 12 years old you have spent a 4th of your life in the summer, but it’s technically a larger number because more time has passed.  Then you start to think about how everything was bigger and longer when you were young, like how an entire day felt like a week because you had only been alive for 4 years so to you it was the longest thing and yet growing shorter by the day.  The only problem is that I am horrific at math and can never remember how to find percentages.  But I remember now!  Divide the top fraction by the bottom fraction, etc.

Here’s what I’m thinking on today:  I hate getting my period.  I think it’s messy and stupid and it gives me cramps and makes me moody like a girl.  So how much of my life is spent dealing with the horrors of shedding my epididymis?  Well, there are 1104 weeks in my 23-year-old life.  For 10 of these years I’ve been getting my period.  That means that there have been 120 weeks in which I deal with PMS and general touchiness.  So 120 weeks out of 1104 I am a bitchy monster that should live in a trash can.  120/1104=0.10869.  So basically I have spent 10.1% (rounding up) of my life acting like a crazy person.  I think.  To double-check I’m doing months as well, so 30/276=0.10869.  Looks like I’m keeping the calculator in tact tonight folks, no throwing it against the wall or spelling out boobies for my own amusement.

24 Friday Feb 2006

Posted by Meagan Sean in Uncategorized

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I got out.

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Who, me?


I consider myself an eccentric who looks good in jeans, or an amateur at adulthood. I live in Maine, enjoy writing and photography as creative outlets, and listen to some of the worst music you've ever heard. I’m good at sin and bad at following Christ, but I’m still letting Him take the lead. Dirty is my middle name. So is Sean.
The purpose of this blog is to keep a record while I'm unearthing treasures, mapping truths, and navigating life.

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