Category Archives: Dirty’s Reports

TV Teaches Me Things part 3

24 Monday Jun 2013

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tinadanceWhen I was a junior in college I was introduced to a show by a friend that she swore was one of the best things she’d ever seen in her life. It was one of the best things I had ever seen in my life as well, and I became a fangirl immediately. The show was 30 Rock.
Here is a random list of things that I have learned from my beloved show. It is incomplete, but it is still gonna happen.

  • Reaganing is defined as a continual streak of perfection. It is similar to a ‘no hitter’ in baseball however with a more broad application that refers to a series of non-related events. Named after the 40th President of the USA Ronald Reagan.
  • It is possible to have male-female friendships. Liz and Jack are strictly friends, business buddies, work spouses, mentor-mentee, and work husband slash uncle/co-worker slash little brother. It can work. It doesn’t have to get complicated and weird.
  • Live every week like it’s Shark Week.
  • There are secrets to fashion, ranging from tie colors (having more than 2 colors in a tie means you’re looking for a certain type of bar) to the proper way to dress as a spinster (sweatshirt, mom jeans, fanny pack), from the secrets behind trends (your friend is Michael Khors and will make wizard capes cool to hide your girlfriend’s pregnancy) to the wrong way to color block (tan slacks with a tan turtleneck will make you look like a giant condom), and of course the proper way to treat evening wear.

    Lemon: “Why are you wearing a tux?”
    Jack: “It’s after 6. What am I, a farmer?”

  • Reality TV will always be on because it always wins the ratings.
  • The Bubble is defined as the world in which beautiful people live where they are protected from all criticism and all of life’s unpleasantries and never get a true sense of their actual limitations
  • Nothing brings people together like fear and/or the hatred of something. Bonding can happen over fear of the end of the world, budget cuts, or even bed bugs.
  • There are 3 things you should not do in a negotiation: speak first, smile, and negotiate against yourself.
  • You can’t out-crazy Tracy Jordan
  • An EGOT is the combination of winning an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony; the highest peak an actor can attain.
  • There is a difference between positive reinforcement and stating facts.

    “I do look like the Arrow shirt man, I did lace up my skates professionally and I did do a fabulous job finishing my muffin.”

  • I want to go to there is an expression of yearning for a feeling, place, or situation. Use it in reality. I do.dirty

Of Patience and Waiting

13 Thursday Jun 2013

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A while ago I found this guy who really understands me.  It’s like, no matter where I am in my life he seems to know exactly what’s going on with me, and he always knows how to say it out loud so I don’t have to.

Too bad he’s dead.

The apostle Paul knew exactly what I am going through today.  He even wrote it down for me.

“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.”  – 1 Timothy 1:15-16

I have always known I am the worst Christian, and it’s something I’ve come to accept about myself.  No matter how many people I’ve met, no matter how many could say that they are worse, I’ve known for a long time that they can never understand how deeply sinful my heart is.

I used to feel relieved when I found out that people who I considered holy were sinners too.  The girl who read her bible all the time had a selfish streak a mile wide.  The guy who acted as a spiritual leader was jobless and petulant about it.  The super compassionate and loving had a bit of a drinking issue and a history of premarital sex.  I was so happy when a beloved pastor’s wife spoke louder than normal to get her point across about a broken dish that I almost forgot that it was her way of yelling at me, because I finally saw a side of her I could relate to: the human side.

I get very impatient.  I decide to do something myself or decide it will never happen.  I get anxious when waiting for something that is promised or guaranteed, to the point of convincing myself it will never get here.  These are not very good ways to prove my trust in an incredibly patient God.

When Paul says that he was shown mercy so that Christ Jesus would be able to display his immense patience I feel like the man had visions of a future where an impatient and rebellious girl would never be satisfied.  It’s like God gave him a special dream where he showed a bunch of tin boxes with wheels and big metal birds and enormous scary buildings, pointed out a girl in the middle of it with constantly changing hair color and whispered in Paul’s ear, “She is going to have days where she won’t believe that she will be able to make it.  I need you to write to her and remind her about me.”

And that’s what I’m getting today, a reminder of why I’m here and what my life is about.  I get to read a reminder that Christ is working in me, being patient with me beyond my understanding, so that my life can be an example to other people.  And when I remember his patience, which I don’t think anyone else in the world can have for me, I want to have that patience.  I want to be an example of what the patience of Christ Jesus looks like on this earth.  So that’s what I’ll be praying for, because believe me, I’m not there yet.dirty

Tattoo Talk

11 Tuesday Jun 2013

Posted by in Dirty's Reports, Human Interest, Style

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My little brother getting his first tattoo at Ink Manifesto in Biddeford, ME

I started planning my first tattoo when I was a kid. It’s a good thing a 7-year-old can’t get inked or I’m sure I’d have an american flag tramp stamp. (What can I say? I went through a very patriotic phase.) Tattoos always make me ask questions, and I’m always interested in the stories behind them. In a way that’s one of the reasons I decided to get tattoos, almost to record certain times in my life and to remind myself of the important stories behind them.

I think the most important things to keep in mind when someone is considering getting inked are the 3 P’s: Pain, Permanence, and Perception.

When it comes to the pain I’ve come to 2 conclusions, the first is that the bone-y-er the area, the more painful. The second is that everyone has different pain thresholds, but if someone wants to know how it feels to get a tattoo they should think of it as a constant cat scratch that just won’t stop when you’re ready to say uncle.

When it comes to the permanence of tattoos there are a few things to consider. For one, whatever you decide to get put on your body is permanent, unless you have a junk yard made of gold. I have a few “rules” that I try to follow while making my decisions about tattoos:

  1. Don’t get words that might make you miserable later. No boyfriends, no best friends. Only family names should be considered. Even then, I’d be wary.
  2. Don’t put a tattoo in an area that you might get stretch marks.
  3. I usually opt to put tattoos in places where I won’t be able to see them too often. This happens to be a rule I have broken.
  4. ALWAYS APPLY SUNSCREEN IF YOU WILL BE IN THE SUN. The best way to fade/ruin your tattoo is to have too much sun exposure.

The last thing on the list is perception. There are a lot of people who love seeing tattoos, and there are a lot of people who don’t want to see them at all. There are still people in this world who don’t want tattoos showing during for employment, and there are always opinionated family members to deal with… like my dad, who just growls every time I come home with new ink.

I don’t regret a single tattoo. I’ve always been the kind of person who collects photos, magnets, movie tickets, fortunes, key chains, and even more random junk as make shift souvenirs of different parts of my life. The mortality rate of these things is never so good, so now I use tattoos as symbols of different places in my life that I feel are important.

Do you have any thoughts on tattoos? Any stories about your decision behind getting one or why you decided it’s not for you? I’d love to hear them, so feel free to leave a comment!dirty

First Beach Walk of the Summer

09 Sunday Jun 2013

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The little bro and I got bored and decided to take a walk on the beach.  One of the best things about living with my parents is the proximity to the prettiest stretches of beach… it’s only about a 10 minute drive from our house.

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The weather was beautiful but it was really hazy as well.  I think it actually made for some cool photos, since the fog in the distance kept what I was focusing on, well, in focus.

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Little bro declared that we had found Sand Circles, which seems to be the aquatic variation of Crop Circles.  It was pretty, a floral design in a huge rectangle.  Obviously we have found signs of life beyond the surface of the ocean.  Mermaids.

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Adventures in Hiking

27 Monday May 2013

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Some people love the outdoors. They find solitude and peace when surrounded by nature. They breathe the clean air, smell the trees, sometimes even drink from clear streams of water.

I like cities. I like being surrounded by strange noises and smells and people. I like the towering buildings and the contrast of brick against sky. So for me to say I went on a hike last week in Newry, ME, is for me to inadvertently tell you that I was not in my comfort zone.

A friend of mine asked me if I wanted to drive up to Step Falls for what he considers a very small, harmless hike. I said sure, because I had to go to Mexico to see a friend. We split the gas money and started our drive up on the back roads around 11 am.

I didn’t even know what to wear. Before we started the drive we stopped at Walmart where I ended up purchasing a pair of shorts and an obnoxious, highlighter colored sweat shirt. I wore them both, the shorts over a pair of leggings.blog2

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I got to take some really nice pictures, as well as spend time in nature like one of those outdoors-y people. It was nice, and I might even try to do it again sometime. What’s the point in having a life if you don’t use it to experience new things?blog9dirty