I rediscovered a certain band and found out that they have some pretty sick new music. Here are the lyrics to their song Beautiful Bride, which is all about the church.
Unified diversity
Functioning as one body
Every part encouraged by the other
No one independent of another
You’re irreplaceable, indispensable
You’re incredible, incredible
[Chorus:]
Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride
Strengthen your arms now
Train your fingers for battle
Urgency’s here now
Train your fingers for battle
Fighting this violence
With your feet wrapped in peace
Sad tears and silence
Now screams of joy
Victory
[Chorus:]
Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride
Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
We’re not gonna fall and forget
How far You went to pick us up
If one part’s hurt the whole body’s sick
If one part mourns we all mourn with Him
Rejoice, we’ll sing with you
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
I read something a while ago that spoke of how we as christians should be expectant. It was referring to Matthew 7:11, which says that if we as evil people know how to give good gifts to our children, how much better are the gifts our heavenly Father will give if we only ask for them? What I remember about the article was how it made me realize that when I’m not expecting God to pull through with the best plan for me, be it by providing miracles or not having things go my way, when I’m so surprised that He works all things for the good of His children… I’m not believing that my God is bigger, stronger, tougher, and able to do anything.
I gave my 2 weeks notice at my job and had my last day at work on January 2nd. I knew it was time to leave, and that if I didn’t I would never get out or I’d get fired. I also have been getting a lot of words about going to cosmetology school, and I decided that if God is going to continue to make a point of telling me it’s a good idea, I should look into it. So, with very little money and a room that I will have to move out of because I can’t afford it, I began to look into school. And I did what I understand to be the best thing in these situations: started praying for God’s will to be done with my life. My verse for this year (I decided) is John 9:4:
“As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work.”
As I said a few posts ago, I want to be proof that God can use what seems too broken.
If the pattern in my life is that once a year God brings me into a place of desperation that brings Him glory, I’m okay with that. Yet again He has been answering prayers in the best ways, in ways I’m not entirely sure how to react to because I’m not surprised. I’m so thankful and grateful, and so amazed, but not surprised. I almost feel that being surprised would be a waste of time, with so much to be done with the blessings that are being provided and so much rejoicing to do.
I’m going on a mini-vacation in order to be a part of my friend’s wedding party. This MV is taking me down to a part of Tennessee I’ve never even heard of. I’m going to be hanging out with people I haven’t seen in years or haven’t ever met. I’m going to be completely out of my element. And I’m stressed out about it.
Even with the promises that I find and try to memorize from the bible, even with my understanding of God’s hand on everything, even with my inability to change anything ever, I am still stressing out about going on this trip without understanding why. I figured it out, though. And the revelation is one I’m actually slightly embarrassed and ashamed to have. I’m afraid I’m not a good enough christian to handle the world without falling into it head over feet.
There are so many problems with this statement that I don’t think that the night will be able to handle that amount of typing, but I can say with certainty that there isn’t a firm base for the fear to stand on, aside from the one that resides on my tongue.
The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. – Luke 6:45
I’ve not always been able to communicate nicely. In fact, I use my mouth to wage war against the world for no good reason, but that’s not what I am trying to do these days. I’m afraid of falling into it. And falling into everything else that it brings. So my prayer is that I will be able to show a good example, and to please my Lord.
Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! – Psalm 141:3
The end of a relationship that I got into with the intent on staying there is still laying it on my heart pretty strongly. I’m trying to keep my chin up and to see the world as my candy store with penny-priced things but it’s really hard sometimes. I’ve realized a few things.
1. Because not many people at all knew about my feelings for the kid I don’t feel comfortable telling many people at all about what I’m going through. My BFF is still a little puzzled as to how I felt about him, and I tell her everything. She only knows that there were strong feelings involved because of my anger, because she knows that anger is where I go when there’s a lot of pain. My feelings towards him? I was in love with him. My feelings towards him now? I don’t know who he is anymore, but still love him. My feelings because of this? Lots of weirdness, some confusion, and a general aching.
2. I really miss what I had, back when it had been something real. I feel like a sap, and I’ll bet I read like a sap too, but it’s the truth. I miss the friendship (since we’re not speaking much at all) and I miss the person. And since I don’t know if who I got to know so well was real or not it feels like someone may have died.
3. I’m going through the stages of grief like Summer Roberts. Except I’m not done with them yet.
Thankfully there is a lot of patience in my God, and he hasn’t stopped reminding me through his Word, some friends who know what to say, and a dream or two that life goes on. And that just like every other thing that I’ve been through, this is a learning experience. And just like every other lesson, sometimes I learn the hard way.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He also has planted eternity in men’s hearts and minds [a divinely implanted sense of a purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy], yet so that men cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I know that there is nothing better for them than to be glad and to get and do good as long as they live; and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor–it is the gift of God. I know that whatever God does, it endures forever; nothing can be added to it nor anything taken from it. And God does it so that men will [reverently] fear Him [revere and worship Him, knowing that He is]. – Ecclesiastes 3:11-14
I love these verses. They’ve been keeping me warm through what feels like a frosty time. What this guy and I had was beautiful, even when it was raw and hurt, and even now it’s beautiful because God is in it. Even when things don’t end up the way we think they should, God is in it. And what was, what is and what will be are all of him and so will never be taken away or taken back. Even the painful things are according to his plan. Even when the hurt seems bigger than anything else, even when the lies are trying to convince me to turn on myself and God, even when I’m cold with loneliness; God is good and he has made everything beautiful in its time.
There are some things I will never be able to understand or come to terms with, like why some people are considered attractive when they aren’t, or why drinking alone is a bad thing.
Sometimes I thinking about my life and wonder what the heck I’m doing, and while the conclusion always has to do with God’s plan it also tends to fall into two different conclusive categories: 1) I’m going to die a virgin. 2) Fuck it, let’s have an adventure of a lifetime already.
I am a firm believer in not being mean. It’s funny how mean I’ve been in my life until recently. Now I save it up for when it matters, like when that bitch cuts me in line at Starbucks or my mother asks me a question. But when it comes to friendships and relationships I think that if you’re mean to people you are supposed to care about, or petty about stupid shit, you can sit and watch people like me cry at you. Because I won’t be mean back. But you can watch me cry myself into an ugly person. I become puffy. Practically chinese.
If you ignore someone until you’re telling them to do something or complaining at them or about them….. Ok, if you do this to ME I’m going to start doing it back. That means that instead of doing the random task that you’re too lazy and indignant to do that might or might not be my responsibility I’m going to pretend you’re not there. It’ll be a mirror game! And when you ask me to do things, I’ll ask you to do things, or just tell you how much more important it is that I do something that isn’t important at all. If you can get away with it so can I.
I really do like bad music. As in, the kind other people consider to be made by no-talent-good-for-nothings. But I really like it. And so I listen to Katy Perry.
My BFF likes to post sappy breakup songs on my facebook when I’m in the midst of being sappy about a breakup. Now she’s blocked.
Dirty Sean 