I hate weddings for a few reasons.
- The sheer amount of people I have to play nice with intimidates me.
- I have to dress appropriately.
- These days the amount of people I know at these weddings has grown exponentially and it’s difficult to play nice with people I barely know or like.
- My favorite way to handle 1 and 3 is to drink, sometimes to excess. (At some point soon I will be posting about this drinking thing)
- There is dancing, which because of 4 I usually end up doing and being embarrassed about.
- There are two kinds of weddings for me, the first being weddings I am invested in and the second being ones I am not. They each have their own sorts of problems, for instance when I am invested in a wedding in some way, by doing hair or makeup, by being in the wedding party or close to those who are getting married, I feel a certain pressure to make sure to perform well. This means that I’m putting on a performance, which I am generally not down to do. With not being invested it feels incredibly stupid to be there. I don’t know why I have to be at the ceremony or the reception when I don’t know the person particularly well, or why I have to be on good behavior. I don’t know why I am chastised for being myself when I wasn’t really important to the bridal party in the first place.
- I find going to weddings difficult because like most girls that are in my age range and still single I find it difficult to see people getting to have what I cannot at this time. I get really tired at times of accepting that God has a great big plan for me that includes me being single right now and that excludes me knowing that I will be married at some point. I am so blessed to see my friends get married and yet I take it as a burden because I am not. Is this normal? Perhaps. Is this right? No, not according to what I am professing to believe.
- Ceremonies are the WORST. They are so filled with meaning and special things that apply to the couples, and they are so full of reminders of what marriage really is: a reflection of what the church is to Christ. The church is the bride of Christ, which is implicit in the bible in many places. To see even a shadow of that played out in life surrounding me is really difficult to handle. I can’t imagine being loved to the extent of someone pledging their life to be entwined with mine on earth, and I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that Christ has accepted me as a daughter/sister/wife/anything other than scum beneath his shoe. These are things that are too big for me to handle, and by handle I mean allow myself to understand and cry about in private much less in public. I am grateful that God knows how slowly I need this pace to go, even when I am impatient and petulant. He knows the perfect timing for my life and is continuing to pursue my heart and lead me to a place of understanding what this love is really all about, which includes leading me to accept that someone might be able to love me past my flaws and sins for a lifetime, much less all of eternity.