Category Archives: Dirty Dozen

Dirty Dozen: My Favorite Things About Being Single

02 Sunday Jun 2013

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1.  I can spend my money however I want.  I can pay my bills, or buy a new purse, or give a friend gas money, or buy makeup, or go to a concert, and I don’t have to ask anyone’s permission to do it because it’s my money and I can spend it where I see fit.

2.  I only have to deal with MY parents.  As much as I am looking forward to expanding my family someday to include in-laws, I can at the moment barely handle my own parents.  Some days are better than others, and I don’t need to have two sets of people who are older than me causing me to pull my hair out right now.

3.  I can invest my time wherever I want.  I can spend lots of time with God.  It doesn’t always happen, but I have the option that I foolishly pass up on a regular basis to have that alone time with my Creator.  Or I can lavish it on friends.  Or I can be alone.  No matter what it is, it’s my decision. 

4.  I don’t have to consider anyone’s opinion on my appearance but my own.  I like to change it sometimes for no reason.  I like to wear what I like, do with my hair what I think is awesome, wear the makeup that I want to wear.  I like to do what I want with how I look, and I am grateful that I don’t have to deal with anyone else telling me how they want it to be.

newgirl tv all day5.  I can watch TV all the time.

6.  I can be sad about being single and not feel alone.  When I am emotionally destroyed, even when I’m being a miserable and annoying idiot, I know that I have single friends who can understand where I’m coming from and relate, and attached friends who can pretend they remember what its like being in my situation and give me sympathy.

7.  I can sleep without disruption from another human.  I don’t have to worry about being roundhouse kicked in the back or punched in the stomach because someone is a very active sleeper.  I also don’t have to sweat my skin off, because in my experience every single male on the planet runs at about 102 degrees.  And I don’t have to deal with snoring.

knopedesserts8.  I can have bad habits.  It’s one thing to get crap about my bad habits from friends and family, but I’m really ok with not having to give up what I like that someone else doesn’t just because they want me to.

9.  I can relate to almost every Taylor Swift song.

10.  I can be delusional about love.  I can still have the fantastical idea of love being like what I read in books and see on TV and in the movies.  Ignorance is bliss, my friends.

jlaw pizza 1 jlaw pizza11.  I have nothing to prove to anyone.

12.  I can cook for myself whatever gross food I want because I like it.  You know, I think I’ll make a stir-fry that looks like regurgitated Chinese food, or a split pea soup that looks like baby barf.  The list goes on folks.

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Dirty Dozen: Things I’m Good/Bad At

13 Monday May 2013

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Things I’m Bad At:

  1. Driving a Car – I have an incredibly irrational and intense fear of driving a car. It scares me almost as much as bees. I have driven before, but I currently don’t have a license and don’t drive. When I’m driving I don’t feel that I can keep my attention on all the things I need to be paying to attention to, and I am pretty sure I’m going to crash the car and jack up the insurance prices for my parents. Then there is the fact that I’m really bad at…
  2. Directions – Take a bumble bee. Put it in a jar. Shake it up. Let it go. Ask it for directions to Walmart. That is what happens to my brain when you ask me for directions to anywhere. I can usually find my way home from places, but that’s the extent of it.
  3. Wearing High Heels – I have funky feet and high heels seem to torture them exclusively.
  4. Working Out – I have never been one for steady exercise that is in the form of a “work out”. I know it’s important to treat your body well and to keep healthy, but I have a huge problem with scheduled exercise. In fact, once I try to put a schedule in place for myself my rebellious side overrides my plans and I start watching more TV while sitting down.
  5. Parents of Children – If a parent of a child decides to watch me interact with their kid or kids I become the worst ever. I don’t even know what to do, and I’m pretty sure it freaks the parents out to see me being all strange and awkward with their kids.
  6. Black Out Drinking – I’ve never blacked out from drinking. I’m just not that good at letting go of my consciousness I guess.

Things I’m Good At:

  1. Being a Passenger in a Car – I will make mix CDs, I will bring snacks, I will provide interesting conversations, I will grab your toll money from your purse in the back, I will always wear my seat belt, I will give you gas money, I will sing badly along to the radio.
  2. Being a Fan of a TV Show – I limit my TV time because I am so good at being into TV shows. I will absolutely let it take over my life. I have to chose what I watch carefully because I try to only watch one show at a time, so I can go through as much of it that is available as possible as quickly as possible so that I won’t loose all of my life to it.
  3. Predicting Children – I have been wrong once, but I have a history of predicting the sex of babies from the get-go, and I am currently getting good at predicting when people will be pregnant. It’s a gift I’m not always proud of. Heavy is the crown.
  4. Making up Recipes – My mom taught me this one, how to take a basic recipe and put spins on it that rock! I’m always trying to figure out the basics so that I can use them to make things my own way.
  5. Children – Surprisingly I am good with kids. I don’t know how or why, but I do know that babysitting is something I always forget I’m getting paid for.
  6. Impulse Buys – I am really good at finding super awesome things to buy. For instance, I recently purchased a Be-dazzler, and I’m pretty sure it’s changed my life for the better.

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Dirty Dozen: Bad Habits

14 Sunday Apr 2013

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anigif_enhanced-buzz-5738-1364909716-15

 

I have been mentally writing this post all weekend, which hopefully is pretty self-explanatory. Here I will list out some of my worse habits and personality traits and what not, just for kicks.

  1. I prefer to yawn loudly like a lion. In fact I usually pretend I am a lion when I yawn.
  2. The only thing that I regret about shenanigans I perform when I drink is that I have never once blacked out. I am cursed to remember every embarrassing moment. If you see me randomly cringing for no reason I am just remembering something I wish I hadn’t done. Or at least hadn’t remembered.
  3. I smoke cigarettes. I know. Gross. It’s a revolting affectation but it soothes me.
  4. I tend to judge people by whether or not they understand 30 Rock’s humor.
  5. I have a deep love for all carbohydrates. I could eat carbohydrates for… ever.
  6. If I don’t like someone I will be so angry when they do something nice for me. Once I got super pissed off because I was hungry and a girl I didn’t like gave me half of her sandwich. I was offended because not only did I not like the girl but I also hated the kind of sandwich she got. Even her choice in sandwich offended me! And then she had to offer it really nicely, which would have been rude to turn down, and I had to eat it and it was only moderately disgusting.
  7. The worst fights I get it happen between myself and either my best friend or my mother. These fights are usually the stupidest things ever and at least 50% or more my fault.
  8. I hardly ever clean out the shower drain.
  9. Mornings are the worst and so even when I wake up fresh and focused I still buy myself breakfast most mornings.
  10. I make really inappropriate jokes at inappropriate times. These times include funerals, church, public.
  11. I am so nervous at job interviews that I can’t smile. Literally, I will never be seen looking anything less than anxious and uptight at a job interview.
  12. If it’s on sale there is a 75% chance that I will buy it. dirty

Dirty Dozen: Chin Up!

01 Monday Apr 2013

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nickhatesdoorsIn response to my mood’s attempt to overwhelm me with a case of the Mondays I shall produce a list of things that I am grateful for!  Take THAT Mondays!

  1. I have finally discovered a position with my pillows that allows me to sleep without waking up many times a night unable to breathe.  This is very good because breathing keeps me alive, and sleeping keeps me less cranky.
  2. Yesterday being Easter Sunday my parents and I went to a church in our area for the first time.  It was really cool, and I think that we will go again at some point.  It’s nice to finally find a place that is welcoming, Jesus loving, and within 10 miles of our house.
  3. I am super thankful to God for giving me at least one family member who knows how to handle my grouchy moods.  My little brother is the only one who can get me anywhere near snapping out of it, and that is such a blessing.
  4. I got to do some alterations to my mom’s hair color this weekend, and the results are fabulous!  I will be posting about it soon I hope!
  5. My free moments these days are spent playing Star Wars Angry Birds.  Blessing or curse?  I don’t know.  But I’ll take it.
  6. I decided to have a “Treat Yo’ Self” moment and bought myself 3 tickets to the Goo Goo Dolls concert that will be happening in Portland this month.  Will I have friends to go with?  I don’t know.  But I already told my brother that if the people I want to bring bail he is coming with me, and he loves free stuff so he said okay.
  7. The gel manicure that I got 2.5 weeks ago is still chip free!  I need another because my cuticles look ridiculous, but my hands have been so chic for so long! I think I’m in love.
  8. New projects are in the works that I’m really looking forward to working on, completing, and blogging about!
  9. Bachelorette is finally on Netflix.
  10. I got to make the family breakfast on Saturday, and it was really nice to spend some time just cooking.  I’ll be posting about it, because I tried a new way to make eggs.
  11. Today all of the Easter candy in all of the world has gone on sale.
  12. Yesterday reminded me that Christ conquered death.  I should remember little things like this more often, but I don’t.  My flesh reminds me of whatever is inconsequential, not of what is essential.

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Dirty Dozen: Brought To You By Grief

01 Friday Mar 2013

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tumblr_mi8uh2z4Bz1qaa163o1_250 tumblr_mi8uh2z4Bz1qaa163o2_250Everything that could be bad seems to happen to the people around me.  It feels like all the tragedies in my life are felt through a disconnection; I’m a degree removed from it every time.  This could be considered a good thing, but of course I’m struggling with it as a signifier that I’m not close enough to anyone to be able to experience the tragedy of first hand loss.  Something is very much amiss in this heart of mine.  But I figure, since I’m so sad these days I may as well make a list of things I’m grateful for.

  1. A job.  The job is all kinds of things that I could write about that are negative, but it’s also a source of money and really fracking easy.
  2. Health Insurance.  I’m not sure when I get taken off my dad’s insurance, but that is a day that will produce extreme anxiety in me, as I don’t understand how I’m supposed to be an adult when I’m so obviously not.
  3. Lana Del Rey’s Born To Die: The Paradise Edition.  It’s absolutely been on repeat this week.
  4. Having my family around.  Dad has finally come home from an extended time working in NY, and working/living with my brother is pretty much the best.  Then there are the nights watching tv with Mom and the dogs.  Basically I watch TV and she falls asleep.
  5. The very few friends I have are pretty boss.
  6. First wedding I had to go to this year wasn’t absolute torture.  Score!
  7. I have tried to follow my passions and dreams and have succeeded in completing goals, even though now I am not anywhere near where I thought I would be.
  8. Fresh ink.
  9. Getting to be with my little sister while she got her first tattoo.
  10. Snuggs are nice.  In fact, Oxytocin is another feel good hormone often called the “cuddle hormone”.  Oxytocin is released when we feel love, trust and comfort.  It can be even more powerful than serotonin.  With this in mind, I will attempt to Snuggs whenever I can.
  11. Maxwell is The Cutest.
  12. God is biggest, with plans so incredible that we can still thank Him for life through the death of children.

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