Tag Archives: Human Interest

Wait for it, wait for iiiiihhhhhhttttttt…..

13 Monday Aug 2012

Posted by in Human Interest

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

I got a word from God during the first month I moved to the state I am living in. He told me to wait. That’s it. He said “Wait for him.” I decided after a few months that I had waited and now I was done. I got involved with someone, promptly lost my head, bruised our hearts and ruined a friendship. I was disobedient, and have learned a lot in the process about humility and forgiveness. After that calamity ended I found myself thrown into a season of change that left me no room for even thinking about relationships, which has been a blessing.

Recently I started feeling the impatience trying to sneak back in. It feels like the emotional version of when a person has physical nervous tension, always fidgeting, unable to be still. I prayed about it, vacillating between requesting patience and begging for satisfaction. Somehow I managed to keep my mind from running too far ahead of me, but I still couldn’t get it to sit still on the matter. And, of course, there were the dreams.

I had 3 dreams about specific situations. I had 2 a while back, and I couldn’t understand what they meant. I got royally unsure of their meaning, thought my heart was running around while I was asleep and making up plans that would never really happen but would lead me to a great deal of disappointment. I hated having these dreams. I listened to people I trust and processed a fair amount about the way God gives dreams and reasons or meanings behind them. I thoroughly believed that my mind was out of control, processing things behind my back, and unsure of where God was in all of this.

I also, every once in a while, prayed God would give me another dream so that I could see how the story played out.

One day, my first dream became a bit more real. It wasn’t exact, the details were hard to remember from the dreams themselves, but the correlation of the event, people, emotions, and everything was absolutely uncanny. Did I realize that at the time? Yes and no. I still was in a veiled state. Then, the second dream became a bit more real. Again, a large amount of correlation was there. I started to get nervous about the meaning of all this, at the time I couldn’t see the way things were lining up and I didn’t feel secure or stable at all emotionally when it came to the situation. I prayed hard for peace about it and for the people involved.

Last week I had the 3rd dream and the very next day the dam of understanding broke. During a conversation I accidentally processed things and realized I understood what I had understood in the dream. The message of the dreams, the reason I had them and the reason they have been unfolding in a very real way is for God to reiterate his point.

“Wait. Wait for me to show you what I want to show you. Wait for me to walk you through the situation I’ve prepared you for, wait for me to give you understanding of these things. Now that I’ve shown you some of the story, now that you see what I have as a plan unfolding and specifically designed for this part of your life, wait. Be patient. Guard your heart and do what I tell you.”

While I have been able to process these things, the 3rd dream still hasn’t played out yet completely. But I have an overwhelming peace about it happening, or not. If it does play out, I feel prepared, if it doesn’t I still will be able to wait.

Why is this something I feel ok posting about? Because this process of waiting on God is difficult, and it’s tiresome, and I get bored and I think I know better… But I don’t. And God knows how to give me just enough to remain faithful, and just enough to continue following the plans He has for me. And because I want these things to encourage those of you who may feel that God doesn’t speak to them, or doesn’t give them any sort of understanding about the future. Sometimes he speaks to us in strange ways; this is the first time I’ve been able to hear him loud and clear through a dream. Usually it’s different. But my point is that no matter what situation you are in and no matter what you think you know, you have no idea. There is a really powerful God up there that can speak to you in ways you can’t imagine. Just request it, and wait for it.

Slap me thrice and hand me to me mum.

02 Thursday Aug 2012

Posted by in Human Interest

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, ,

I have been struggling with a verse the past few days.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matt 6:21)

The verse is explicit. What I value, what I think is important, has the attention of my mind and takes up room in my heart. I’ve always considered myself off the hook with this verse, because I’m an idiot, but I realized while watching Pirates of the Caribbean At World’s End that much like the pirates I am not plagued by a treasure I already possess. My heart is pirate, which may have to do with my lineage and delusions, but that doesn’t change the fact that its desire is for something I don’t have but want. It believes that if I could only have this, things in my life would change. Life would get better; I’d be happier and fulfilled. In my own swashbuckling life I keep one thing in my heart as the ultimate desire, my personal Aztec gold. Once it’s mine the life I want will begin.
But the problem is that my treasure is not Jesus. Jesus acts as a crewmember in this area, another aid to get me to my goal. I have assigned my God to an assisting role in my story, without any consideration for how he might feel on the matter.
How embarrassing! Every day I continue to find more areas of my heart that are festering with sin. It’s annoying, especially when you start the day out thinking that you have your priorities in order. It’s not a new thing, finding idolatry stowing away in my heart like a rat with the black plague trying to wipe out all the work the H Sizzle has been doing in me.
I have found that this is God’s way, bringing to light my weaknesses so I can become more aware of my own shortcomings and know what to pray about. I don’t feel comfortable being like this. I feel like a jerk for being so insolent. I didn’t realize such a mutiny was at hand.
There is good news though. Apparently, for reasons I cannot fathom myself, Christ loves me. And he already knew all of this. He knows the deepest desires of my heart, and he is ready to be more satisfying that they are. And while I’m praying to want him more and my treasure less, the desires I’ve uncovered don’t seem to be going anywhere. But my desire for Him is growing.

Today Is About Trust

28 Monday May 2012

Posted by in Dirty's Reports

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

But even if he is absolutely fully to blame we still have to forgive him; and even if ninety-nine percent of his apparent guilt can be explained away by really good excuses, the problem of forgiveness begins with the one percent guilt which is left over. To excuse what can really produce good excuses is not Christian character; it is only fairness. To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.

This is hard. It is perhaps not so hard to forgive a single great injury. But to forgive the incessant provocations of daily life—to keep on forgiving the bossy mother-in-law, the bullying husband, the nagging wife, the selfish daughter, the deceitful son—how can we do it? Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning our words when we say in our prayers each night ‘forgive our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.’ We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse it is to refuse God’s mercy for ourselves. There is no hint of exceptions and God means what He says. – C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

I’ve been thinking about how things happen in life that we can’t figure out, about how people hurt us and we can’t understand why, and about how we are supposed to respond to this. I may have mentioned multiple times that I’m a fan of looking at things from the devil’s perspective so I can figure out why bad things are happening and our correct way to handle them from the side of a believer, and I’ve been doing it recently regarding a situation that I believe is designed to plant disbelief in the hearts of those involved.

It’s easy to let disbelief in when someone has hurt you, because it comes not necessarily in the form of not forgiving them but in the form of walls. Our tendency to build walls up around our hearts in order to protect ourselves is a way of telling God we don’t believe he will be able to protect us as well as we can. It’s a way of telling him that he can’t heal whatever hurts, or fix whatever breaks. And that can lead to a growth of unbelief that we don’t even realize we’re cultivating.

I’ve done it. I still do it. But I’m struggling against it because I know that Christ, when he was walking this earth, didn’t bother to put up walls. He was so vulnerable that his best friends abandoned him and his enemies led him to the slaughter, and he still chose to love and save them, us. Every painful thing in life is designed by the devil to pull us away from God, and every plan the devil has made for evil the Lord has already established to bring about good, and to give him glory.

“Christian worship is the response of God’s redeemed people to his self-revelation that exalts God’s glory in Christ in our minds, affections, and wills, in the power of the Holy Spirit.” – D.A. Carson

Ps I got the wonderful quotes from a few entries at Thoughts from Fabs, which I adore and recommend.

Tv Teaches Me Things part 1

14 Monday May 2012

Posted by in Dirty's Reports, Human Interest, Things TV Teaches Me

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

20120514-130020.jpg

Something I learned from the New Girl: When unable to deal with life make like Nick and go batshit crazyCRAZYPANTS

This guy knows how to let himself be upset! He doesn’t just wallow, he relishes and drenches himself in his pain and suffering. I generally handle breakups like “an adult”, which means quietly and with respect for others. But they aren’t usually as concerned about my effect on them as I am, so why not just become a hot mess that backslides? Why not drunk dial? Why not swear off love in favor of growing tomatoes? Why not allow myself to be the wreck I am for a while? It happens!
Now I’m not talking about emotionalism, which generally means an undue influence of feelings upon thought and behavior. So while this sounds a lot like what I’m writing about, I’d like to make a few points.
First off, I don’t think that emotions should rule the way we live and behave, if I did I wouldn’t be a Christian. The bible has many emotions in it, and God made us as emotional beings, but when it comes down to what is right and wrong how we feel about it don’t mean shit.
Secondly, while it may sound like I’m advocating for a momentary laps into emotionalism that is only because I kind of am. When plugging away at life and pushing my real feelings down so that I appear to be “normal” I always find that eventually I lose my mind in a way that is less like a crazy homeless woman and more like a terrorist trying to destroy the body I live in. I have a history of taking things out on myself instead of verbalizing, and if starting a project or expressing my madness will keep me honest and safe from my own nature, I’ll take it.
I’m just really glad that even when I decide to let myself go crazy, God knows how to find me in the middle of my crazy and remind me of who is bigger, and who is smaller.

20120514-130152.jpg

What I’ve Learned About Life From School Thus Far.

25 Wednesday Apr 2012

Posted by in Human Interest

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

  1. I’ve developed this technique that I use whenever I want someone to continue doing something, it is being super positive about whatever it is that I want him or her to do continually.  The only problem is that when it comes to doing this to guys it involves complimenting them in a way that makes me sound like a horny grandmother. A kid at school gets his awful perm cut off and my response is “You look so handsome!  I didn’t know you were so handsome before!” and “Look, he’s got a good smile!  I couldn’t see it past that awful jerry curl.”  I know that those aren’t the best examples, but considering the fact that I mean these compliments in platonic ways and they can be taken in any way, shape or form… Yeah.  I’m not going to stop doing it anytime soon.  Too much fun.
  2. Each and every Gran in existence has the right idea about things.  Why not get your hair set once or twice a week?  All that gel adds volume, and you get to have a great Do for days.  That and layering on the lipstick, which should smell just like lipstick, and you have instant class.
  3. I need breakfast and coffee every morning before school or else I could become demon possessed.  I went crazy on Monday, quite a sight from what I understand, because of a lack of breakfast sandwich and iced coffee with caramel and cream.  Funny, my ex’s dad thought that Harry Potter would be the way I would get myself a demon, but it turns out it’s caffine deprivation.
  4. Everyone is insecure in some way.  That manifests in different forms: fear of everything, a need to be better than, a need to be desirable to the opposite gender, questioning one’s own abilities or even the simple waffling of the mind.  It’s something that backs so many actions that I can’t get mad at people when I look at their real incentives.
  5. Loyalty is hard to come by.  This isn’t entirely new to me, as I learned what loyalty is by being the opposite of the definition.  My best friend in the entire world taught me where the lines were because I kept on crossing them.  At this point I’m still learning continually how to be as loyal as she is, but I can see clearly how it isn’t played out with everyone and how it affects the trust that you thought was built in a friendship.
  6. Everyone has an agenda, and if you’re not a part of it you’re in the way.
  7. Ecclesiastes 3:15 – “That which is now already has been, and that which is to be already has been; and God seeks that which has passed by [so that history repeats itself].”  Everything that is in the world of fashion, the world of beauty, is an altered image of something we have already seen.  That’s the way it goes.  What is new is just something that is old filtered through a new lens.  An understanding of this is what helps enable you to create new things.